Wednesday, December 28, 2005

So Damn Cool

The phrase ‘So Damn Cool’ now has a new meaning in my friends’ and my own vocabulary. It stands for everything that WE think is a bit overdone, overacted, artificial, wannabe, outrageously corny, excsessively cool or simply so damn cool. This sentiment has increasingly become the most popular topic of discussion when we meet for lunch, dinner or even over a game of pool. So much, that most of the people who hear us have found it almost nauseating.

Gossip has always been the most popular pastime since the inception of speech. A globally accepted fact though widely rejected by the connoisseurs of good conduct.

But even others in favor of this despicable act have warned of the consequences when gossip becomes more of an analysis of every other person you know or who passes by you. Limits to the observation of a person’s behaviour, which do not concern you in any way, have never been defined. Hence, noone can actually object to such limits being breached. It’s a free world after all.

This leads me to a new idea… that the acid test of ‘so damn coolness’ is applicable to the ‘expert’ group too, ie. Us. Why do we categorize people so? What exactly is it that we find so different in people that we think exceeds what a normal person should have? Are we cool or raher un-cool enough?

The most plausible explanation woud be that we have set ourselves as the benchmark of ‘never too excessive’ and gauge every one in comparison with this standard. Which leads me to two possible conclusions: we are either at the lowest rung in the ‘cool’ rating to find everyone ‘so damn’ or, if not, there are other people who consider us so damn cool. Both of these come down hard on my self-esteem and Boy! That hurts! Ergo, I have stopped seeking explanations.

This is not an act of redemption and it definitely does not mark the end of the era of So Damnness. This, is simply my point of view on the whole issue which has seemed to bother too many people. There are different ways of expressing the way you feel about things you detest and maybe even the things you wished you could do. This is probably just our way of underlining OUR freedom of expression.

Monday, December 12, 2005

"Momma said don't talk to Strangers....."

The title song of 'Ek Ajnabee-Don't talk to strangers' is much like the rest of the movie - highly irrelevant and unnecessary, yet stylish. The movie is Bachchan all the way with a potentially strong role by Arjun Rampal being beaten to pulp for absolutely no reason!
The story, based in Bangkok, is about a poor-little-rich-girl who finds a friend and swimming instructor in her bodygaurd, Bachchan, who has frequent dark nightmares of war where he had a bad time and stuff like that. According to what seems to be the fundamental law for all rich little kids in Bangkok, the girl gets kidnapped and AB lands in the hospital with 3 bullets after, of course, gunning down five of the goons. The girl apparently dies because of some stupid cop and even stupid pop.
The rest of the story is a winding process of seek and destroy which Bachchan performs with expected ease and some hilarious methods. Worth mentioning is the fact that a guy literally has a bomb up his ass! No kidding! Thankfully they did not show the explosives being placed.
What takes the cake is the last 15 seconds bit that was simply out of the world. The story moves in 15 years later with Big B still looking the same but the girl has grown into Lara Dutta! And there is more....
All in all, the plot was ludicrously base and the frequent freeze frames (one every 5 seconds! ) were a pain. But the gracious Big B manages to salvage himself simply because of his unbeatable style.

Moral: if u can manage to get Amitabh Bachchan as a bodygaurd and if you can swim, then you will come out of the pool, after 15 years, as Lara Dutta and you will also get Abhishhek Bachchan as your new bodygaurd absolutely free!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Monday, November 28, 2005

Series Buster!!

It was only after Shashank brought this fact to my mind, that I actually realized I was a 'Series Buster' in the true sense. The funda being that I have seen almost all the movies whose sequels have possibly been made... excluding B-grade ofcourse! So here's a list which definitely is an ego feeder to me...

All in the series of:

Harry Potter
Star Wars
Hell Raiser
James Bond (not sure I've seen all in this one... at least 9 I think)
Austin Powers
Indiana Jones
Star Trek
Friday the 13th
Evil Dead
Universal Soldier
Fast and the Furious
Karate Kid
Lara Croft - TombRaider
Dumb and Dumber
Die Hard
Lion King
Home Alone
Mission Impossible
Kill Bill
Child's Play
Ocean's 11/12
Scary Movie
Jurrasic Park
Alien (Bet you haven't seen Predator vs. Alien !!)
King Kong
Shanghai Noon
Rush Hour
The Exorcist
Hot Shots
Naked Gun
Silence of the Lambs
Before Sunset
Bourne Identity


(sure I have seen more... will keep updating this list...)

One of the best motivating lines I have ever come across in movies:
LOTR: Return of the King ::

Aragon's words to his men who are terrified when the Black Gate opens :

One of the best ever lyrics I have come across:

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Kaikku... Its all about the Family - Part II (Season Finale)

... one day while they were having a family reunion in their courtyard, the skies grew dark and sudden silence crept over them. A mysterious man wearing a dark suit and goggles walks into their home, faces Koli and says, 'It is inevitible... Mr. Koli' and saying so thrusts his arm into Koli's stomach. Koli simply utters 'KAIKKU? Kaikku ba???' and slowly transforms himself into that stranger. The rest of the family watches in sheer horror as each one of them slowly undergoes the same transformation. After everyone becomes "Agent Smith", as they call themselves, they realise that they have become all powerful! Just when they are about to celebrate their newfound powers, they find out that all of their kind will be destroyed in the next minute because apparently some guy called Neo, from "Hamerika", destroyed their code which gives them all those powers. Bloody Hamericans! Anyways, they hug each other and realise how important Family is and then...... they all die.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what a Family is... You have to be in one yourself.

--------THE END-------

Friday, November 11, 2005

‘Kaikku? – Its all about family…’

This is the script of a family drama that I wish to propose to Ekkta the next time I meet her. Keeping in mind that every soap from the Balaji Production House has a regional-centric theme, this story revolves around the life of an Urdu speaking joint family residing in Bangalore. Those from Lucknow who are reading this piece must be warned that the language content may be a bit too toxic for them but for the rest who have been around for long enough in Bangalore and have found themselves at home in Russel Market will relate to it quite fine.

Since ‘ba’ is more of a colloquial term, the 65-year-old family head is called Babama instead. Babama has this habit of saying ‘Kya ba so?’ at the end of every sentence. This translated literally means ‘ What dude that?’. She is highly respected in the family, especially by her 40 yr old son Koli Chand Pasha. His blessed name means ‘Chicken Moon Pasha’ in kandu-urdu. The appellation Koli is credited to the fact that he had monopolized the entire Poultry Industry. His favorite line in all press conferences was ‘Dekho Bhai, Mai khud-ich itta bada admi banya so…. Pehle manje pehenne ku kaacha bhi nai tha’.

His loving wife ShameemBanu, who is the protagonist, simply smiles and says ‘Mai nai rhati to uno kya karte the ki’. She is the epitome of a perfect mother, wife, daughter-in law, sister-in-law, neighbour, jeth, devrani, chachi, bhabhi, etc..

Koli had two children, Chota Chand, whose name was changed to Khota Chand for astrological reasons, and Khulla Shah. Both were brilliant students from MIT (that’s Manipal… not Massachusetts ). Everything in the family seemed to perfect until one day…..

(To be continued….)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Anyone who has read Bangalore/Delhi/Bombay Times as much as I have will swear by the sumptuous visual treat on every square inch. It will always be the first thing I read every morning as I wake up. Just when you would think that everything if perfect and beautiful with this world, your eyes come to a screeching halt at Page 3.

It is indeed a shock, not a very nice one at that, to see that amongst people who deserve worship, like Angelina Jolie, Kate Moss and Mallika Sherewat we suddenly find pictures (on the same piece of paper!!!) of Vicky Malhotra, Rita, Tina, Anita and the very respectable RajuwipemyA&*$ at ease in a party organized by another famous Mrs. Whozatfatso*%$#$!

Please try to understand my predicament. I am not against promotion of any kind as long as I can avoid it. Precious advertising space worth thousands is wasted on the travails of DJ Ben who 'rocked the party!'. Ya, great, so? What a powerful tool like the media really needs to know, is that there definitely more pressing issues that deserve more publicity than these people. As for the promotion of our 'celebs' there are more suitable mediums like magazines such as 'Society' (Do people even read that?) or even 'Dummies guide to Famous Dog Races', but not this.

All I'm trying to say is that newspapers are sacred stuff. They need to contain issues that at least 30% of the population should relate to. Some papers do have target audiences and some do entertain, which is perfectly fine. Just don't throw at me pictures of guests at Uppi Dada's Birthday party, ok?!

Friday, September 30, 2005


Rainy. Cold. Sunset. Muggy. Bored. Regret. Lost. Alone. Where. Dream. Surreal. Motive. Far. Unclear. Confused. Why. Dust. Love. Lust. Fear. Loss. Her. Hope. Courage. You. Sing. Today. Always. Phoenix. Dream. Motivation. Fearless. Here. Now. Believe. God. Heaven. Cosmos. I.

Friday, September 23, 2005

A Day in the life of a Software Engineer..

I am employed in a company that pays me ..... well.. quite a bit per day to do the following:
Office hours : 9AM to 6PM (flexi timings apparently!)

The below mentioned account of time must be considered as cumilative.

Time Spent opening relevant windows on desktop : 30 Mins

Time spent chatting(Yahoo/MSN/Google/Others) : 120 Mins

Time spent staring blankly at the screen trying to concentrate the song playing on the headphones: 45 Mins

Time spent peeping down the corridor watching out for Manager to arrive on his rounds : 20 Mins

Time spent smiling at your Manager and using Telepathy skills for a Promotion :10Mins

Time spent thinking about other prospective jobs: 20 Mins

Time Spent Applying for those jobs: 30 Mins

Time spent checking Mail : 20 Mins

Time spent replying Mail: 10 Mins

Time Spent anticipating Mail: 5 Mins

Time spent watching out for your Cubemate who wants to read your Mail: 10 Mins

Time spent in Loo : 10 - 20 Mins (depends)

Time in Pantry : 45 Min

Lunch Time (extended version - includes a smoke or other forms of "recreation") : 90 Mins

Time spent in Elevator/ Staircase : 15 Mins

Telephone/Mobile : 30 Mins

Rest of the 60 to 90 Mins : Programming

Carpe Diem??