The List

I have a list of people who I feel should be castrated. Really. It grows by the day. Some folks in it are from my college. There are also hopes of retribution from childhood demons such as the guy who always grabbed the pack of Chicklets my mother used to give me everyday before school.

Now, there is this lady going around installing statues of herself all over the place. With my tax payments. Some might argue that it is illogical to add her to this list due to certain physiological facts that counter such an action. But then, why not? Shouldn't be hard to cut down on her erections.

Yeh CCD ka hota hai?

Bundled up on a cycle rickshaw, I watched the evening traffic choke up a relatively wide road in this place called Kadam Kuan. I was returning from a trip to rural Vaishali where I was stopped twice by "Party Workers" on bikes. They had asked me which party I belonged to since only party workers and politicians traveled using white cabs in villages during elections. I get off the cycle rickshaw paying him ten bucks for a kilometer and walk on towards a sleazy hotel I have rented out for two months at 175 a day. It reeks of cigarettes.

The waiter walks in without knocking. A regular feature in this place I notice. I ask if there are any good hotels around to eat and he rattles of names with descriptions that didn't really sound palatable. I asked if there were any Pizza joints or a McDonalds around to which he blinks blankly. "To koi coffee ki jagah hogi na Patna mein?", I ask to which he offers to provide coffee in the room itself. I plead again, "Yahaan koi Coffee Day ki dukaan nahin hai? CCD?". "Ye CCD ka hota hai?".

I settled for a cup of tea that he brought in, switched on the TV and lay on the bed while they buzzed about the latest campaign strategy. The bed is usually drenched with my sweat due to power cuts.

It's been more than a month now and little has changed. Except for three offers by the waiter so far: "Kauno aurat chahiye ka? Aap akele bejaar ho rahe honge.", and an offer by a strange girl to meet up in Delhi after a month for some 'romance' if I could only lend Rs. 10,000 to fund her purchase of a new cell phone now. She even claimed that she is from a family of IAS officers.

13 more days in Bihar and counting.

Knotty Sawant

Just when I had given up on TV shows for their lagging entertainment value, the most electrifying woman on Indian Television is back again! And how.

The idea is brilliant. NDTV Imagine has lived up to its name by producing a show called "Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamwara". She will basically be up for grabs on a reality show where undoubtedly the most eligible bachelors of India would be vying for her hand by battling it out in the greatest slugfest ever on the small screen. For all those snotty la-di-da kinds who look down upon such crass display of unwanted silicone exuberance, keep a track of the TRPs and then we'll see who has the last laugh.

"I am looking for a companion who is warm, affectionate, someone who can dance a little bit, who respects women for who they are, and above all who is punctual. Even Sita had her Swayamvara so why not me?"

I agree. The guy next room in my lodge in Patna has already started warming up for the show and is doing it quite punctually above all. If it wasn't for my mom's insistence that I marry someone my own age, I would have sent in my application by now.And why not? In her own words, Rakhi is the ideal woman for every Indian soap watcher:

"I'm a cultured Indian woman with good values and I have reached a stage where I need a companion with whom I can share my love, joys, sorrows and success."

Sigh. If I could. Then I would. But I can watch. And so I will.

Beating the system

Frank Maus is my new hero. Who is Frank Maus? Honestly speaking, I don't have much of a description. But I can guess.

Frank is the climax of every Anurag Kashyap movie that promises you a real insight into life and ends up in cliches. He is Arindam Chaudhary who dares to think beyond IIMs and even dares to charge fees beyond them. He is Oprah, who makes you concoct fraud soul moving experiences just so you can visit her show and win that car she might give away to everyone in the audience. He is Enrique Iglesias who makes millions by distracting you with 10 hot supermodels while constipating about his Bailamos. He is all this and he ain't sorry about it.

Frank gets laid. Frank even gets paid. That is why Frank is my new hero.

Reviews

Dev D

Anurag Kashyap has always walked the thin line between brilliant storytelling and forcefully stuffing in every arbitrary whim of his like an adamant kid. This time too, he stumbles. What could have been a masterpiece turns into a two and a half hour long drag. Literally. The music is the best part of this movie and tries hard to keep one glued yet fails towards the end.

The plotline is strong. For those of you who have dismissed it to be yet another version of Devdas, it's not. It shows a much more relevant world and real lives as compared to its predecessors. It depicts the lives of Dev, a rich spoilt kid, Paro the simple girl who he loves and Chanda, a "commercial sex worker" and how they intricately run together merging here and seperating there. What kills are the n-multiple scenes of a drunk and doped Dev roaming about aimlessly which makes you scream, "Yeah! I get the picture. What next?!"

Did I say that music was the best part of this movie? Sample Nayan Tarse and O Pardesi from youtube or the next cheapest source of pirated music and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Overall, I'd say that if this was cut to a 100 minute movie, it would have been something else.

Rating: 3.5/5

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

The movie has its novelty. But it is proof that you can't run a successful film only on an idea. Yet another drag of a potentially poetic description of the fleeting temporariness of life and love.

This is the story of Benjamin Button who was born old and frail but grows younger with time while he watches all those he loves grow old and die. Brad Pitt plays his part well and so does everyone else but I felt that the movie leaves you a bit more depressed than it should. The colours used and the pace could be equally responsible for this. True, maybe it was meant to be a tragedy. But that kick that you get when you come out of a movie irrespective of the genre was missing. Instead, I was just.. low. I'm not sure I like this movie for what it did to my mood.

Rating: 3/5

Observation

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!