I am Legend - Alternative ending

Although I liked the movie, the alternative ending in the DVD that was released makes much more sense. Makes the movie absolutely perfect:

Watch it :

Updates

Been really busy for the last few weeks. Form filling, applications and interviews all leading to me joining the pitiful MBA rat race that I somehow cannot avoid for unknown reasons.

Finally went out on a trip with friends to Ooty. Was good fun. We visited Black Thunder close to Coimbatore on our way back. The place used to be the biggest water park in India earlier on but now half of it is defunct. Have heard that Wonder La in Bangalore is much better. Plan to visit in the near future.

Watched a few movies too - Shutter: a brilliant Korean horror movie that has a twisted ending, Stardust: Decent Fantasy movie based on the book by Neil Gaiman, and Om Shanti Om. This last movie did live up to my expectations. A complete popcorn movie with enough spoofing makes it even better than Main Hoon Na, although the last section is directly lifted from Madhumati. I particularly liked this dialogue:

Itni Shiddat se maine tumhen paane ki koshish ki hai,
Ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai.

The original lines in English are from The Alchemist, but I never realised that it could be put in so beautifully in Urdu. Hats off to Javed Akhtar for that!

Valentine Standoff

I had to submit a story for our college magazine more than 4 years ago about a phone call from Yamraaj. And on the eve of Valentine's Day, with all the love in the air that warms your senses while exiting your rear end, I thought I should share this with you folks. (PS : I was only19. I know the whole story looks juvenile now. Forgive and forget.)

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It wasn’t exactly one of those beautiful days when the evening sun slowly sinks into the horizon leaving behind a golden sky for mortals to dream of immortality. No, it was another day. A day where the grass grows, cars move, some people fall in love, while others, simply die! It was the 14^th of February, a Saturday. Sometimes I wonder as to why the sequel to ‘Friday the 13^th’ wasn’t called ‘Saturday the 14^th: Valentine returns’. Of course! It was Valentine’s Day! That’s right, the day when Cupid (or is it Aphrodite?) is god and love is a religion.

As many other lucky people on this day would do, I did go out on a date. It went well, quite well! After dinner, I took her to an ice cream parlour. And while I was leaving to take her to my place, to watch one of my favourite movies that I had rented, I looked up to the stars and thanked them for such a great evening , little knowing what their mischievous twinkling had in store for me.

The phone started to ring at around ten in the night, just about when the hero is to die after taking oaths of undying love from his wife. It is comical sometimes, the way the irony of fate hits you right in the face, at the right time. I picked up the phone. The drama that unfolded that moment is best described the way it should be, so here is how it went:

ME: Who is it?

VOICE: This is Yamraaj!

It is important to mention at this point about people who have told me that I had the voice of a god. Well, it seems they were right. He sounded just like me!

ME (alarmed): Are you sure?

YAMRAAJ: Is that a trick question?

ME:Where are you calling from?

YAMRAAJ (at least he sounded like yamraaj): Right outside your door.

YAMRAAJ: Why are you standing outside your own door?

ME: Not me, it was you who said that.

YAMRAAJ: Not me but someone else.

ME: But who…

VOICE: It was me, Cupid.

YAMRAAJ: How dare you call me stupid!

It is even more important at this point, to mention that probably all gods sounded the same! The cross connection with an added disturbance wasn’t helping too much.

ME: He didn’t call you stupid. His name is Cupid. Why did you call me? Are you here to take my life?

CUPID: Why do you think I would take your life? I am not evil. You have hurt my feelings!

ME: Oh no, I was talking to the god here.

CUPID: So you think that I am no god. This is an outrageous insult! I shall render thy seeds infertile!

YAMRAAJ: So, a mere mortal would like to challenge me?!!

ME: But that wasn’t me!

YAMRAAJ: Then who was it?

CUPID: It was me, Cupid?

ME: Will you please stop saying that?

YAMRAAJ: Will I please stop saying what?

CUPID: Come on, I don’t have all the time in the world!

YAMRAAJ: Neither do I.

ME: Me neither.

YAMRAAJ: Then why don’t you hang up and let the two of us talk!

ME: Hey, it was you who called me!

By this time I had lost track as to which god was who. What ensued turned out to be A Midsummer Night’s Nightmare!

‘I have come to tell you that you are not doing the right thing.’

‘This is a preposterous accusation!’

‘Taking advantage of a young woman is not right.’

‘But I was here for a man’s life!’

‘Hey I wasn’t going to do that.’

‘You don’t have to do anything to die. I’ll do it all for you.’

‘Die?!! This is unfair. Back up there, they told me that I was immortal! I knew they were tricking me!’

‘I am too young to die!’

‘I must take her away from you.’

‘I don’t think you get it. I take the souls away here.’

‘He is talking about my date, not my soul!’

‘Who is he?’

‘It was me, Cupid.’

‘For the last time young man, traveling on a bull doesn’t make me stupid! You are going to rot in Hell!’

‘No.’

‘What?’

‘So...’

‘Who?’

‘It was me, Cupid.’

‘Nooooo!! Die, die you imbecile mortal! Your foolish pride hath incurred the wrath of the god of the dead! No more shall I suffer this ignominy. Your soul is now mine!!!’

My nerves, which couldn’t take any more of this, just managed to make me place the receiver back on hook before my mind slipped into unconsciousness.

The next morning I woke up looking into the worried face of my date who was up all night. Oh no, not with me. She was helping out Mrs. Batra, our neighbor next door, whose husband died of a gruesome heart attack while watching TV at home with his secretary last night. They say his heart simply stopped beating…at around ten in the night.

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We had to submit a brief introduction about ourselves and this is what I submitted:

Mohammed Ali is a student of electronics and communication. True to the spirit of Final Year, he has pulled the necessary strings required to print an outrageous story in this revered magazine. He loves comics which represent true Indian culture like Nagraj and Shaaka. He derives inspiration from method actors like Smriti Irani of ‘Tulsi’ fame and aspires to woo a woman like her someday. Ali also possesses the uncanny ability of fooling you into believing he is ‘posh’ by rambling Tolkien quotes but that’s all he knows.

Do you feel lucky?

This is easily one of my favourite movie dialogues :
Movie: Dirty Harry

Inspector Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) :I know what you're thinking, punk. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you can ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

And here's another equally good version of it.

The L Club

It surprises me that this topic has never come up in any of my earlier posts. Anyway, better late than never.

Ladies, Gentlemen and Karan Johars, I am proud to publish details of the elite L club that I co-founded with my dear friend Funk on a humid night while preparing for my Digital Communication test the next day late into our 2nd year of engineering. Sometime in 2002 I think. It started just like how all great things on our good earth, such as see-through pantyhose, started.

We were discussing the futility of our lives and efforts because everytime we work hard to get something, dicks like my genetically and socially gifted roommate Mochi would surpass us with effortless ease. Be it academics or social interaction with the lot considered as an endangered species in our college, girls. We always ended up as the guys who, as I so often repeat, "haath ko aaya, mu na lagaya". So, we decided to stand for ourselves. To be proud of what was inherent to our nature. We discovered the inner Loser within us. Being the enterprising young men that we were, we didn't stop at this glorious moment of self discovery. We went ahead to found the most popular club in the history of sports entertainment. Ok, fine.. one of the most popular clubs in our college.

We immediately formed the ground rules for inclusion and code of conduct in The L Club:

1) You MUST be a loser. Achievers, please excuse.

2) The basis for you being a loser could range from absolutely no sensible reason to being the guy who gets 'Lets just be friends' from girls a lot.

3) Once included, you will propagate the ideals of the club by regularly spotting talent during your daily life and then showing an L by holding your index finger perpendicular to the ground and the thumb parallel to the ground. This L could be held out at a distance or formed over your forehead to show a sense of solidarity with the newly inducted loser.

4) When a prospective L has just been L'ed, you make sure he remembers that he has been L'ed. Rub it in.

5) Recruitment is not subject to the candidates willingness to be labeled L. If he refuses, he simply gets promoted.

6) Other than President and CEO (Funk and I), all positions are open and merit based. Positions are arbitrary and not specific to any organizational structure. But uber cool sounding positions like 'Jedi Master' or 'Ninja Master' are not in compliance with L policy.

7) If you are not sure that a person is a candidate, test him/her. Ask the candidate to ask you if you're a tree. When he does, say 'No'. Capture the reaction on his/her face followed by showing him the L. Spread the joy.

8) Although any member can recruit, all decisions made regarding recruitment or promotions by the President and CEO are binding. More so in case of the President because this is my blog and I'm the President.

We have classic celebrity examples: Vivek Oberoi, the could-be / would-be probable-ex-boyfriend of Aishwarya Rai; Jim Corr, who travels with three hot women who are all his sisters, is another classic example. A prime celebrity member is the late Ex-Minister Nagappa who escaped the clutches of the brigand Veerappan only to be shot dead by the Border Security Force who confused him for a member of the band.

As you can see, The L club has an open door policy, unlike some fraudulent uptight clubs that you might have heard of ("You do NOT talk about Fight Club!".. Jeez! Get a life.). You don't even have to apply. In fact, if you've wasted sufficient time to go through this in detail, you've been L'ed. Welcome my friend!

Sci-Fi / Action / etc. Movies in 2008

A few that you may want to know about. As always, they might not turn out to be as good as presented, but don't we all just love trailers?


Teeth (May 2008):
Now, I know this sounds weird, but yes, horror movie creativity has apparently reached new heights (or depths) with this one. Why? Well, nothing out of the ordinary.. this movie just deals with a vag***a that bites. Yeah. I know. Ouch.
Trailer. IMDB.



10,000 BC (March 2008):
This movie about mammoths and what not with a proportionately impressive trailer and an indication of those mind numbing action movies that are classic popcorn stuff. The Independence Day types.
Trailer. IMDB.



Jumper (Feb 2008):
The Tagline of this movie is 'Anywhere is possible'. It's about a few guys who, well, jump from one place in the world to the next. Really fast. Again, the trailer is compelling. But I'm getting wary of Samuel L Jackson in his 'man-who-has-seen-the-world' roles like the one in Snakes in the Plane.
Trailer. IMDB.



21 (March 2008):
This one is apparently a true story about 6 MIT students who mastered the art of card counting to fleece Vegas casinos of millions. The Scamster movie genre, post Ocean's Eleven, is a huge favourite of mine. And I find the chick in this movie quite hot.
Trailer. IMDB.



Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 2008):
Ok, inspite of the weird-ass title, I'm still gonna watch this movie for the sake of the original series. Apparently Spielberg took such a long time for a sequel because he was looking for the right script. Ahem. Right. Anyway, might not be bad at all.
Trailer(Not yet available). IMDB.



Cloverfield (Jan 2008):
An over hyped trailer that's been doing the rounds on youtube where the monster has still not appeared anywhere has made this an internet urban legend. This one better be good. It has something to do with an extremely large monster attacking NY and the aftermath. Or something like that. Extremely confusing trailer as you will see.
Trailer. IMDB.



The Dark Knight (July 2008):
Ah, to end it grandly, the most anticipated movie of the year will undoubtedly leave you spellbound with characters like Joker looking immensely scary and brilliantly original. Add to it the presence of Christian Bale, who revived the Batman movie enterprise along with the talented Christopher Nolan and we have a winner. The bike looks too brilliant.
Trailer. IMDB.



And yes, there are others like yet another Rambo, some new Narnia movie and all that. BTW, what's with all these old guys and their sequels? Bruce Willis with Die Hard 4, Stallone with Rambo and Rocky, Harrison Ford and the Indiana Jones series.. and I even heard rumours about a new Terminator movie. A new kind of Viagra must have entered the market. Madness! But more on that later.