The L Club

It surprises me that this topic has never come up in any of my earlier posts. Anyway, better late than never.

Ladies, Gentlemen and Karan Johars, I am proud to publish details of the elite L club that I co-founded with my dear friend Funk on a humid night while preparing for my Digital Communication test the next day late into our 2nd year of engineering. Sometime in 2002 I think. It started just like how all great things on our good earth, such as see-through pantyhose, started.

We were discussing the futility of our lives and efforts because everytime we work hard to get something, dicks like my genetically and socially gifted roommate Mochi would surpass us with effortless ease. Be it academics or social interaction with the lot considered as an endangered species in our college, girls. We always ended up as the guys who, as I so often repeat, "haath ko aaya, mu na lagaya". So, we decided to stand for ourselves. To be proud of what was inherent to our nature. We discovered the inner Loser within us. Being the enterprising young men that we were, we didn't stop at this glorious moment of self discovery. We went ahead to found the most popular club in the history of sports entertainment. Ok, fine.. one of the most popular clubs in our college.

We immediately formed the ground rules for inclusion and code of conduct in The L Club:

1) You MUST be a loser. Achievers, please excuse.

2) The basis for you being a loser could range from absolutely no sensible reason to being the guy who gets 'Lets just be friends' from girls a lot.

3) Once included, you will propagate the ideals of the club by regularly spotting talent during your daily life and then showing an L by holding your index finger perpendicular to the ground and the thumb parallel to the ground. This L could be held out at a distance or formed over your forehead to show a sense of solidarity with the newly inducted loser.

4) When a prospective L has just been L'ed, you make sure he remembers that he has been L'ed. Rub it in.

5) Recruitment is not subject to the candidates willingness to be labeled L. If he refuses, he simply gets promoted.

6) Other than President and CEO (Funk and I), all positions are open and merit based. Positions are arbitrary and not specific to any organizational structure. But uber cool sounding positions like 'Jedi Master' or 'Ninja Master' are not in compliance with L policy.

7) If you are not sure that a person is a candidate, test him/her. Ask the candidate to ask you if you're a tree. When he does, say 'No'. Capture the reaction on his/her face followed by showing him the L. Spread the joy.

8) Although any member can recruit, all decisions made regarding recruitment or promotions by the President and CEO are binding. More so in case of the President because this is my blog and I'm the President.

We have classic celebrity examples: Vivek Oberoi, the could-be / would-be probable-ex-boyfriend of Aishwarya Rai; Jim Corr, who travels with three hot women who are all his sisters, is another classic example. A prime celebrity member is the late Ex-Minister Nagappa who escaped the clutches of the brigand Veerappan only to be shot dead by the Border Security Force who confused him for a member of the band.

As you can see, The L club has an open door policy, unlike some fraudulent uptight clubs that you might have heard of ("You do NOT talk about Fight Club!".. Jeez! Get a life.). You don't even have to apply. In fact, if you've wasted sufficient time to go through this in detail, you've been L'ed. Welcome my friend!