Friday, February 17, 2006

Metal-Tikka (adj. Metallic Butt)

I hate taking sides. I don’t think its polite. Its really rare for me to root for any cause. I like to wear this superior air about me smug in the knowledge that I have the power to swing both sides and even look wise in the process.

There are those who don’t listen to music and and those who do. There are others, who listen to metal. Again, let me refer good old Wikipedia:

“Heavy metal, sometimes referred to as simply metal, is a form of music characterised by aggressive, driving rhythms and highly amplified distorted guitars.

I have nothing against metal. Infact I do like most of what Metallica and Iron Maiden make and am not quite sure if they fall into this category. But then, Children of Sodom? I mean.. even BEP’s ‘My Humps’ sounds like music before what ‘Spinter Pelvic Fury’ makes! Oh yeah.. they ARE a band and that IS their name!

There was this guy in our college who was a couple of years senior to us. His batchmates called him ‘metal’ and he used to like that. You could watch him swinging his head to and fro in all concerts in our college and screaming “AUZZZZYYYY” and “SYMPHONEEE OF DESTRUCKSHAAAANN”. I couldn’t help but pity him for the number of times his perverted neighbor would have abused him as a child.

I could never figure out the reason for headbanging, which was the reason I abandoned this primitive ritual just as soon as Metal had started showing symptoms of Psychotic Hypertrophy of the Meningial Fluid with Spasms. He would often stare blankly at requests for ‘Brain Yadams’ or ‘Wotel Caalifornia’ with sheer disbelief at this act of blasphemy and enter into a series of violent spasms of verbal abuse that would, at one shot, bring down generations to shame… even when he was not stoned!


Headbanging is a self-proclaimed art form particularly popular with people who are not very good at more advanced dancing, as the dance, which many would not call a dance but merely stomping very hard at something, while nodding fiercely for no good reason at all, is not all that hard to learn. In fact it was the only dance form I could ever master. But reason convinced me to preserve the last few traces of gray matter left in my head before I could shout ‘TRAAAAIIIN OF KONSEEEKWESAAAS’ again.

Then again, I love music. Any genre will do as long as it appeals to me. Unless it is, like my IITian friend would call it, “Slisha Cuppax!”.

8 comments:

M said...

Awesome. Really funny.

M said...

Positively love the descriptions. Especially this one. "You could watch him swinging his head to and fro in all concerts in our college and screaming “AUZZZZYYYY” and “SYMPHONEEE OF DESTRUCKSHAAAANN”. I couldn’t help but pity him for the number of times his perverted neighbor would have abused him as a child."

M said...

You are tagged!

jeevan said...

u keep talking about how u hate it all, but u should understand it is a matter of personal choice, just like the clothes u wear. Many will find it weird that u have a pink shirt, while other metro sexuals will probably think it is normal.

Lalbadshah said...

@jeevan: its MY opinion. never forced it on anyone.
and i dont have a pink shirt. I had a peach colored t-shirt which was gifted to me and which u might have seen me wearing.. but i have discarded it now :).

Lalbadshah said...

btw are u saying==>
normalpeople:metalfreaks = normalpeople:metrosexuals ? ;)

hmmm.. is swaroop a metal freak?

Anonymous said...

U can become the bhaiyya.

deeprouted said...

Psychotic Hypertrophy of the Meningial Fluid with Spasms???
only u can come up with stuff like that!lol!