Metal-Tikka (adj. Metallic Butt)

I hate taking sides. I don’t think its polite. Its really rare for me to root for any cause. I like to wear this superior air about me smug in the knowledge that I have the power to swing both sides and even look wise in the process.

There are those who don’t listen to music and and those who do. There are others, who listen to metal. Again, let me refer good old Wikipedia:

“Heavy metal, sometimes referred to as simply metal, is a form of music characterised by aggressive, driving rhythms and highly amplified distorted guitars. “

I have nothing against metal. Infact I do like most of what Metallica and Iron Maiden make and am not quite sure if they fall into this category. But then, Children of Sodom? I mean.. even BEP’s ‘My Humps’ sounds like music before what ‘Spinter Pelvic Fury’ makes! Oh yeah.. they ARE a band and that IS their name!

There was this guy in our college who was a couple of years senior to us. His batchmates called him ‘metal’ and he used to like that. You could watch him swinging his head to and fro in all concerts in our college and screaming “AUZZZZYYYY” and “SYMPHONEEE OF DESTRUCKSHAAAANN”. I couldn’t help but pity him for the number of times his perverted neighbor would have abused him as a child.

I could never figure out the reason for headbanging, which was the reason I abandoned this primitive ritual just as soon as Metal had started showing symptoms of Psychotic Hypertrophy of the Meningial Fluid with Spasms. He would often stare blankly at requests for ‘Brain Yadams’ or ‘Wotel Caalifornia’ with sheer disbelief at this act of blasphemy and enter into a series of violent spasms of verbal abuse that would, at one shot, bring down generations to shame… even when he was not stoned!

Headbanging is a self-proclaimed art form particularly popular with people who are not very good at more advanced dancing, as the dance, which many would not call a dance but merely stomping very hard at something, while nodding fiercely for no good reason at all, is not all that hard to learn. In fact it was the only dance form I could ever master. But reason convinced me to preserve the last few traces of gray matter left in my head before I could shout ‘TRAAAAIIIN OF KONSEEEKWESAAAS’ again.

Then again, I love music. Any genre will do as long as it appeals to me. Unless it is, like my IITian friend would call it, “Slisha Cuppax!”.

Plato didn't see this coming...

Before I start, I'd like you to very carefully read this shocking piece of of information from wikipedia :

"The term amor platonicus was coined as early as the 15th Century by the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino as a synonym for "amor socraticus". Both expressions signify a love focused on the beauty of a person’s character and intelligence rather than on their physical charms. They refer to the special bond of affection between two men Plato had highlighted in the dialogue, and exemplified by the affection between Socrates and his young male pupils, and in particular to the one between Socrates and Alcibiades."

Among the list of related articles was:

• Asexuality
• Historical pederastic couples
• Pederasty

Need I say more? Well I guess I will cos some people never learn! I've never trusted platonic love (in its present context) but have always wanted to believe it (I still do!) . The words " Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahin ban sakte Prem!" in the movie Maine Pyar Kiya, which still echo in bollywood's great arenas, was very conveniently thrown from the villain's mouth to convince suspecting parents that their daughters were in good company. Millions of teenage Indian boys celebrated. So did I. I was glad that I could now be better friends with all the girls I've ever known and when my smarter than usual mother asks me, I just casually remark a "Oh, we're just friends Ma.. don't be so narrow minded!". She never bought it though.

Then as I grew older, I realised that girls take this to their advantage by turning down every guy they don't want to get too close to with "I don't want to spoil our friendship" or a very innocuous "Why can't we just be good friends?" to which the guy smiles and says "Of course! thats how it has always been, hasn't it?" while his heart melts right into his bottom. There are several variations like "I respect you a lot", etc..

I'm not saying that the only reason guys start a friendship with girls is because they are sexually attracted to them or their friends, it's just a lot more complex than that. I believe that if you have a set of friends with mixed sexes and you hang around together for long enough then you are bound to be attracted to one of them. In due time. It's quite natural.


Disclaimer: this is not the only clause. There are several if's and else's involved. Like I said, Its quite complex .. even to blog about.

Rest assured, Plato has given the world the best excuse and a weapon of unparalleled simpicity.