Knotty Sawant

Just when I had given up on TV shows for their lagging entertainment value, the most electrifying woman on Indian Television is back again! And how.

The idea is brilliant. NDTV Imagine has lived up to its name by producing a show called "Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamwara". She will basically be up for grabs on a reality show where undoubtedly the most eligible bachelors of India would be vying for her hand by battling it out in the greatest slugfest ever on the small screen. For all those snotty la-di-da kinds who look down upon such crass display of unwanted silicone exuberance, keep a track of the TRPs and then we'll see who has the last laugh.

"I am looking for a companion who is warm, affectionate, someone who can dance a little bit, who respects women for who they are, and above all who is punctual. Even Sita had her Swayamvara so why not me?"

I agree. The guy next room in my lodge in Patna has already started warming up for the show and is doing it quite punctually above all. If it wasn't for my mom's insistence that I marry someone my own age, I would have sent in my application by now.And why not? In her own words, Rakhi is the ideal woman for every Indian soap watcher:

"I'm a cultured Indian woman with good values and I have reached a stage where I need a companion with whom I can share my love, joys, sorrows and success."

Sigh. If I could. Then I would. But I can watch. And so I will.

Beating the system

Frank Maus is my new hero. Who is Frank Maus? Honestly speaking, I don't have much of a description. But I can guess.

Frank is the climax of every Anurag Kashyap movie that promises you a real insight into life and ends up in cliches. He is Arindam Chaudhary who dares to think beyond IIMs and even dares to charge fees beyond them. He is Oprah, who makes you concoct fraud soul moving experiences just so you can visit her show and win that car she might give away to everyone in the audience. He is Enrique Iglesias who makes millions by distracting you with 10 hot supermodels while constipating about his Bailamos. He is all this and he ain't sorry about it.

Frank gets laid. Frank even gets paid. That is why Frank is my new hero.