Metal-Tikka (adj. Metallic Butt)

I hate taking sides. I don’t think its polite. Its really rare for me to root for any cause. I like to wear this superior air about me smug in the knowledge that I have the power to swing both sides and even look wise in the process.

There are those who don’t listen to music and and those who do. There are others, who listen to metal. Again, let me refer good old Wikipedia:

“Heavy metal, sometimes referred to as simply metal, is a form of music characterised by aggressive, driving rhythms and highly amplified distorted guitars. “

I have nothing against metal. Infact I do like most of what Metallica and Iron Maiden make and am not quite sure if they fall into this category. But then, Children of Sodom? I mean.. even BEP’s ‘My Humps’ sounds like music before what ‘Spinter Pelvic Fury’ makes! Oh yeah.. they ARE a band and that IS their name!

There was this guy in our college who was a couple of years senior to us. His batchmates called him ‘metal’ and he used to like that. You could watch him swinging his head to and fro in all concerts in our college and screaming “AUZZZZYYYY” and “SYMPHONEEE OF DESTRUCKSHAAAANN”. I couldn’t help but pity him for the number of times his perverted neighbor would have abused him as a child.

I could never figure out the reason for headbanging, which was the reason I abandoned this primitive ritual just as soon as Metal had started showing symptoms of Psychotic Hypertrophy of the Meningial Fluid with Spasms. He would often stare blankly at requests for ‘Brain Yadams’ or ‘Wotel Caalifornia’ with sheer disbelief at this act of blasphemy and enter into a series of violent spasms of verbal abuse that would, at one shot, bring down generations to shame… even when he was not stoned!

Headbanging is a self-proclaimed art form particularly popular with people who are not very good at more advanced dancing, as the dance, which many would not call a dance but merely stomping very hard at something, while nodding fiercely for no good reason at all, is not all that hard to learn. In fact it was the only dance form I could ever master. But reason convinced me to preserve the last few traces of gray matter left in my head before I could shout ‘TRAAAAIIIN OF KONSEEEKWESAAAS’ again.

Then again, I love music. Any genre will do as long as it appeals to me. Unless it is, like my IITian friend would call it, “Slisha Cuppax!”.

Plato didn't see this coming...

Before I start, I'd like you to very carefully read this shocking piece of of information from wikipedia :

"The term amor platonicus was coined as early as the 15th Century by the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino as a synonym for "amor socraticus". Both expressions signify a love focused on the beauty of a person’s character and intelligence rather than on their physical charms. They refer to the special bond of affection between two men Plato had highlighted in the dialogue, and exemplified by the affection between Socrates and his young male pupils, and in particular to the one between Socrates and Alcibiades."

Among the list of related articles was:

• Asexuality
• Historical pederastic couples
• Pederasty

Need I say more? Well I guess I will cos some people never learn! I've never trusted platonic love (in its present context) but have always wanted to believe it (I still do!) . The words " Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahin ban sakte Prem!" in the movie Maine Pyar Kiya, which still echo in bollywood's great arenas, was very conveniently thrown from the villain's mouth to convince suspecting parents that their daughters were in good company. Millions of teenage Indian boys celebrated. So did I. I was glad that I could now be better friends with all the girls I've ever known and when my smarter than usual mother asks me, I just casually remark a "Oh, we're just friends Ma.. don't be so narrow minded!". She never bought it though.

Then as I grew older, I realised that girls take this to their advantage by turning down every guy they don't want to get too close to with "I don't want to spoil our friendship" or a very innocuous "Why can't we just be good friends?" to which the guy smiles and says "Of course! thats how it has always been, hasn't it?" while his heart melts right into his bottom. There are several variations like "I respect you a lot", etc..

I'm not saying that the only reason guys start a friendship with girls is because they are sexually attracted to them or their friends, it's just a lot more complex than that. I believe that if you have a set of friends with mixed sexes and you hang around together for long enough then you are bound to be attracted to one of them. In due time. It's quite natural.


Disclaimer: this is not the only clause. There are several if's and else's involved. Like I said, Its quite complex .. even to blog about.

Rest assured, Plato has given the world the best excuse and a weapon of unparalleled simpicity.

On Religion, War and Cartoons

I've had enough. Enough and more hatred has been spread in the name of religion.

"Currently the stereotypical muslim, as perceived by many in Europe and America, is a fanatical suicidal maniac who insists on keeping his wife locked up and who would cheerfully execute anyone who disagrees with his viewpoint that Islam is best. The reaction to the cartoons by protesters in Palestine, Pakistan or Iraq where they threaten death to the cartoonsist only reinforces this stereotype."


I am a Muslim and proud to be so. I have friends from other religions with whom I share my deepest secrets I wouldn't dare to tell anyone else and I don't hate them. I'd bet my life on the fact that they don't hate me too (atleast on the basis of my religion). Religion is a way of life that everyone chooses to follow. In my opinion every religion has something good to say and I follow mine simply because I choose to. Choice, is something that can never be taken from me. I choose not to hate. I chose to ignore. I choose to be happy. I choose to live and I choose my beliefs.

"No religion teaches violence" is a statement that, inspite of its frequency in usage, should never be considered a cliche and I as a Muslim definitely know that Islam belongs to this set. And I do not consider a Muslim anyone who thinks otherwise. A vast majority will agree with me.

I never get into arguments about religion simply because I don't know much about any other than my own. So before you start hating someone based on his beliefs, please make an effort to study those beliefs in an unbiased manner.

There is no point in hating when we have an alternative. There is no end to it. Coexist.
We all come in peace.

This is my first and hopefully one of my very few attempts at social messaging.

Tribute

I distincly remember the first time I read a comprehensive comic book. I was 6 yrs old and was about to be 7 in a couple of days. Till then, the cartoon strip in newspapers was all I knew of cartooning and never pictured that there could be books full of them. It was the first edition of ‘Tinkle’ which cost Rs. 6 and was reluctantly financed by my mother in exchange for not watching a movie which apparently wasn’t made for my age group (I’d kill to remember which one). I bought it at the newspaper stall right next to our place which remained my library for years to come. I lapped it up within an hour, which btw, should be an accomplishment for a kid who was not yet 7 :) ! Then I moved up to Archies, Chandamama, Jataka Tales and very soon into the streets of Gotham City and Metropolis.
I was lucky to have had prior introduction to Superman through the movie which I watched at my uncle’s place… my first movie on the VCR. I was blown away! I used to simply stare at the comic book cover for hours together dreaming of wearing that holy red-and-blue suit and ripping through space at unimaginable speeds (I din’t know the speed of light then and hence couldn’t compare). Slowly I became an even bigger fan of the Dark Knight aka Batman. The best part of him was that he was human. Just like any of us but bigger than all of us. He was vulnerable, yet infallible. Dark, yet a Hero. That day on, I was a Believer. Every day after school I used to come straight to the newspaper stall, pick up the latest comic and read till I could hear my mother screaming at me from the balcony. I swept the entire range. From Mahabali Shaaka, and Nagaraj to Phantom and Mandrake to Justice League and later on Tintin and Asterix. Years passed by but I still hold on to those stories.

Its not that I haven’t grown past them, I’ve grown with them. And come to think of it, I never want to let them go. I don’t want to sound obsessed like Samuel L Jackson on a wheelchair in ‘Unbreakable’, but those comics were the building blocks of some of my principles and ideals. They were to me the perfect example of what my mother used to call the ‘Win of Truth over Evil’. The pristine thought process of sacrificing your personal life, fame and fortune to help the less fortunate was too priceless for me and still is. In this era where life in its shades of grey has been accepted as the norm, we need to turn back to something everytime there is conflict of choices available. Fairy Tales probably have more significance than we think.
Its probably why such tales are classified as ‘Fantasy’ .. ‘cos in this world, they would never fit in.

So Damn Cool

The phrase ‘So Damn Cool’ now has a new meaning in my friends’ and my own vocabulary. It stands for everything that WE think is a bit overdone, overacted, artificial, wannabe, outrageously corny, excsessively cool or simply so damn cool. This sentiment has increasingly become the most popular topic of discussion when we meet for lunch, dinner or even over a game of pool. So much, that most of the people who hear us have found it almost nauseating.

Gossip has always been the most popular pastime since the inception of speech. A globally accepted fact though widely rejected by the connoisseurs of good conduct.

But even others in favor of this despicable act have warned of the consequences when gossip becomes more of an analysis of every other person you know or who passes by you. Limits to the observation of a person’s behaviour, which do not concern you in any way, have never been defined. Hence, noone can actually object to such limits being breached. It’s a free world after all.

This leads me to a new idea… that the acid test of ‘so damn coolness’ is applicable to the ‘expert’ group too, ie. Us. Why do we categorize people so? What exactly is it that we find so different in people that we think exceeds what a normal person should have? Are we cool or raher un-cool enough?

The most plausible explanation woud be that we have set ourselves as the benchmark of ‘never too excessive’ and gauge every one in comparison with this standard. Which leads me to two possible conclusions: we are either at the lowest rung in the ‘cool’ rating to find everyone ‘so damn’ or, if not, there are other people who consider us so damn cool. Both of these come down hard on my self-esteem and Boy! That hurts! Ergo, I have stopped seeking explanations.

This is not an act of redemption and it definitely does not mark the end of the era of So Damnness. This, is simply my point of view on the whole issue which has seemed to bother too many people. There are different ways of expressing the way you feel about things you detest and maybe even the things you wished you could do. This is probably just our way of underlining OUR freedom of expression.

"Momma said don't talk to Strangers....."

The title song of 'Ek Ajnabee-Don't talk to strangers' is much like the rest of the movie - highly irrelevant and unnecessary, yet stylish. The movie is Bachchan all the way with a potentially strong role by Arjun Rampal being beaten to pulp for absolutely no reason!
The story, based in Bangkok, is about a poor-little-rich-girl who finds a friend and swimming instructor in her bodygaurd, Bachchan, who has frequent dark nightmares of war where he had a bad time and stuff like that. According to what seems to be the fundamental law for all rich little kids in Bangkok, the girl gets kidnapped and AB lands in the hospital with 3 bullets after, of course, gunning down five of the goons. The girl apparently dies because of some stupid cop and even stupid pop.
The rest of the story is a winding process of seek and destroy which Bachchan performs with expected ease and some hilarious methods. Worth mentioning is the fact that a guy literally has a bomb up his ass! No kidding! Thankfully they did not show the explosives being placed.
What takes the cake is the last 15 seconds bit that was simply out of the world. The story moves in 15 years later with Big B still looking the same but the girl has grown into Lara Dutta! And there is more....
All in all, the plot was ludicrously base and the frequent freeze frames (one every 5 seconds! ) were a pain. But the gracious Big B manages to salvage himself simply because of his unbeatable style.

Moral: if u can manage to get Amitabh Bachchan as a bodygaurd and if you can swim, then you will come out of the pool, after 15 years, as Lara Dutta and you will also get Abhishhek Bachchan as your new bodygaurd absolutely free!