Lalbadshah's Domain

Proof of a truly global economy

2011-11-10T04:31:00.002+05:30

A region that has grown real fast in the past centuries due to colonies feeding the economies more than resources available within the region itself, viz. Europe, is now coming to terms with reality. Financial markets come crashing down showing a gloomy picture of the future. Hence now, they think that they'll eat lesser chocolate in the coming years.

Reduced demand means a drop in global Cocoa prices. This means that International Trade Houses which work on a small margin are forced to reduce prices being given to cooperatives and in effect, farmers.

Sawadogo Adama, a farmer in Mid-Westen Cote d'Ivoire, Africa, will not make as much money on his 2 hectare plantation as he would have, if Italy had done a good job in managing it's economy. And that, is a true proof of how much our lives are interlinked in an international global economy.

The Crorepati

2011-11-03T00:28:00.002+05:30

It was a dream come true. A man from rural Bihar. With a Broken roof. A Salary of 120 Dollars a month. Knows the all the right answers. Despite his poverty, he had the time to go through all the general awareness questions, a luxury few others of his class can afford. His family smiled through all questions before the answers were announced, probably quite confident in his ability.

Truly, a Slumdog Millionaire story. The audience wanted it and KBC wanted TRPs. That's why it is indeed a fantastic coincidence that Sushil Kumar won 5 crores, and KBC probably had the highest viewings of this season. A win win situation. Almost too good to be true. No?

PS: conspiracy theories are so much fun.

Thorns to Competition

2011-10-14T05:30:00.005+05:30

No really. I saw this ad in the Sony Entertainment Channel (British/African) broadcast in this part of the world.

I don't know what's scarier: the unbreakable confidence in his ability to lead business students to their doom, or the choice of his business wear.

Stage 2

2011-06-17T02:01:00.004+05:30

It's surreal. This is the moment my parents have secretly been conspiring towards for the last 10 years. All those days as a 15 year old, ogling at school girls walking around and giggling at 'inter-school fests', all those dinners pulling my Reddy friend's legs about the thousand of hectares of Mango plantation dowries, all those endless discussions of 'love marriage vs arranged marriage' by a bunch of guys who hadn't managed to get a girlfriend.. all that has built up to this. It is true. Lalbadshah has finally agreed to bow down at The Altar.

In 17 days, I shall be a married man (Inshallah). And I do know, that these 17 days will be filled with people walking up to me, with a knowing look on their face and a wry smile asking 'So, how does it feel?'. It's sometimes odd. What exactly do they expect me to say? A congratulation can be answered to in simple words. But complex questions like these, in my opinion, should be reserved for one's doctor, or a shrink if you please. For everyone else, it's like a 'What's up?' for a very specific target audience. All you can give in response is a wide grin and a reminder to try and make it for the wedding.

These and many other profound thoughts, such as stage flower arrangements, occupy my mind as my life hurtles towards a new dimension. I can only be glad to have found the right companion to attempt to solve all such riddles of the universe with.

See you folks soon!

Random Rhetorical Question 7

2011-05-08T23:28:00.003+05:30

If a bastard is also called a 'love child', then what do you call the kid of a legally married couple?

Musical Charts

2011-05-06T04:22:00.006+05:30

Boring evenings provide a lot of time to to kill. Hence:

I miss Venn Diagrams

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, I recommend this song-that-words-fail-to-describe that is hitting the airwaves.

And these other statistics that you may be interested in:

And

Random Rhetorical Question 6

2011-05-05T21:45:00.003+05:30

Would you refer to an Egyptian born and brought up in the US as an African-American?

The News Is Not Enough

2011-04-23T03:35:00.006+05:30

In the last 4 months, I followed the dynamics of war torn countries in Africa more than I normally would. This was largely due to my presence in the region and the effect these activities might have on my future location. Throughout this, one principal observation sounds out loud. The villains that are born from newsrooms may not necessarily be.

The logic is simple. If history is written by those who won the war, none can refuse the importance of mass media in correcting the direction of that history. Which is why coups generally involve capture of the State Media infrastructure as the immediate priority after the outgoing head of state himself.

Hence, when the breaking news from CNN or Fox talked about how Gaddafi was not broadcasting anti-Gadaffi protests in the state television, the world population, needless to say was stupid enough to not ask back why these democratic channels weren't broadcasting pro-Gaddafi protests. I hold no opinion on whether he was actually a bad man - No one person should be in power for so long anyway or treat civilians as he did.

But Facts are critical.

I certainly would cry foul at the ex-allies striking down on a foreign government, that so far, kept most western oil majors at bay from getting their paws at the reserves. Shouldn't a country solve it's own problems? Of course it should. Which is why foreign interference can be justified only by the portrayal of an absolute villain.

I would find out why the US hates Fidel Castro when he helped arm Guinea Bissau freedom force push the Portuguese colonists out.

I would find out why locals here in Africa say that Gaddafi funded most of the revolutions against tyrant leaders in West Africa and gives Oil at a subsidized rate to poor African countries rather than rich American buyers.

I would investigate the reason for Sarkozi's blood boiling for Libya and clearly not that of half the Libyan population itself that is standing by the current Government foreign policies.

I would question why Obama wants to save humanity in only Libya while Mugabe continues to fire away unabated.

Fundamentally, I suggest that you verify the history and context of an event that is on news. Not judge the event itself on television. Probably from a more democratic albeit academically unsound source of facts, The Wikipedia.

An evening stroll

2011-02-26T16:29:00.002+05:30

This blog post is meant for all those who think that the UNDP/NGO sphere is really doing a great Africa job in Africa - Up Yours! And here's why:

Voinjama, Liberia

I went out for an evening stroll with my colleague Shaurya and our host Lu Tolbert in the town of Voinjama which is at the northern tip of Liberia. It is a small dusty place with old buildings scattered along the street, none of which have even a single wall that has no bullet holes in it. This was where one of the fiercest fightings took place, with rebels flooding in from Sierra Leone during the war until close to 2002 when things got calmer.

Non - Profit:

All the new buildings however, have no bullet holes. These were established post war by the UNDP and various NGOs with funds from all over the developed world: Hospitals, Schools, Offices and Government Buildings and UNMIL (UN Military in Liberia) Battalions.

The Schools and Hospitals are empty and the NGO offices have been abandoned. The local population, now used to free food and being paid to do their own work, have forgotten the importance of developing an ecosystem of self sustainability. Once the sun sets, the village is engulfed in darkness. Electricity has never reached their place. Though all UN offices glow brightly and even have decorative lights fueled by hundreds of gallons of diesel burning through the generators running for them 24/7.

Development

Lu Talbort is a Liberian who has spent most of his life in the US. He holds a degree from Columbia University and recently quit the UN due to bureaucracy that stopped him from doing anything real. He is now back at his home country and he means business. He has invested in land for plantations and is involving the local community and teaching them how to work for their own living. He will not tolerate laziness and did not flinch while firing the Local Chief's son for shirking his duties as a night guard.

He wants profitability. It is not a shameful word and slowly people around him are beginning to realise this. Thousands of people from the local communities will now have jobs in the region.

This, I am proud to say, is a blow in the face of all NGO people I've met so far who speak of "Farmer Exploitation" by corporations investing in Africa. Mining too is not what Blood Diamond showed you to be. They are professional set-ups on large scale fueling local development and creating jobs to a great extent.

Business is a proven form of development. There is no substitute for an economy invested with the purpose of profit as long as the right people run it. Aid, even for similar objectives with their hearts in the right place, is not provided by people who understand business and hence are bound to screw things up in implementation.

Music Aloud

2011-02-13T05:30:00.003+05:30

Music Aloud started off a couple of years ago by my friends at IIM Lucknow as a platform for them to express their views on music and a stage for upcoming artists.

Today, it celebrates the completion of what I consider as two fantastic years of growth, both in terms of content and fan base. They have also managed to bag some impressive interviews of musicians from India and abroad. I'm really excited about how they are doing so far and am hoping to see them soon as the reference guide for Music in India. Do visit!

2060

2011-01-26T01:17:00.005+05:30

It was a dark night. Not stormy, mind you, for the storms had somehow stopped more than 7 years ago. No one could really explain why. The answers published were apparently too vague. The International Weather DataBase would show you pictures of beautiful things called Clouds that once floated in the sky on their own. They did not, for a change, need those annoying jets passing along spraying white gas that induced showers.

Yasmin wished she could walk on the streets with her feet touching the ground under the shade of these clouds. But then, she didn't have time to think. She quickly wrapped her bags and got into her pod and joined the thousands of other pods moving along the road in unison. She was among the elite group of citizens with a Gold Card citizenship. She did not have to suffer travelling by the tubes like the Silver or Blue Card citizens. She had paid a heavy fee to get the licence for Manual Control, but it was worth it. It was a pleasure driving the pod at her own pace through an otherwise depressingly organised crowd steered on auto-pilot.

She took a diversion onto an empty highway and headed straight towards her ancestral home in Zone548-080. She needed to quickly pick up those documents before it was scheduled for demolition by the Urban Development Authority. The road was devoid of traffic or buildings and she was scared she might fall asleep, so she switched back to auto pilot and stared at the horizon.

She switched on the video monitor to Zaid's Connector. The camera on his Connector, tied permanently on his wrist, showed him lying on the couch watching the flatscreen. There was a message about easy slimming pills that were a big rage these times. Yasmin and Zaid acknowledged each other's presence with a quick nod and continued with what they were doing. Years ago, she had thought she's never see him again. But she did, almost every day. And it just wasn't the same anymore.

The first rays of the sunrise were visible now. She had never seen a sunrise before from such a clear viewpoint. She stopped the pod and looked outside. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

Before she could even begin to smile, the alarm on her Connector started buzzing. She sighed as she began to raise her hand and point the camera towards the sunrise. It was important to capture the image and location details. The Connector had to be told every moment about her position. If not, Visage Inc., the manufacturers and owners of the Citizen Database would downgrade her profile making her an unconnected Blue Card citizen. Being Connected made all the difference. Hence she told herself that she should thank her luck for the privileges and be happy. But she wasn't.

The Connector Camera on her raised hand had blocked her view and she missed the actual point of the sunrise. And she doubted she would ever see one again.

Mirrors

2011-01-12T02:41:00.004+05:30

After going through some of my older blog posts, I've come to realise how much they reflected me and my general state of mind in those times. I'm not talking about moods, but rather more macro phases of my life.

I've been funnier at more laid back phases with no plans in particular to attend to. Poetic in rainier seasons. Opinionated when frustrated and outrageous when ignored. This one is a confusing phase. And it's showing: I'm writing words that I don't know and not able to write what I want to.

Take a peek back into your own blog and try to identify your phase - let me know. Do your Facebook wall posts, Orkut scraps or Tweets in the past say what you haven't written about yourself?

Facebook

2011-01-03T04:27:00.004+05:30

Update: I'm not sure I thought this topic through before I posted this one. I'll probably put in another one later. Ignore this one for now if you can.

"More than 500 million active users
50% of our active users log on to Facebook in any given day
Average user has 130 friends
People spend over 700 billion minutes per month on Facebook." Source.

I haven't yet watched 'The Social Network'. Traveling extensively has cut down on my movie time although I have a prime pirated DVDRip file lying on my hard disk. I shall attend to it shortly. This post isn't about the movie though.

Facebook has faced severe criticism since it's inception for various reasons. The website in itself is an innocent networking platform. Meant for those who would like to keep in touch with old friends and possible acquaintances. But the potency comes from the freedom that it allows an individual user, as a medium to exhibit oneself to the voyeuristic pleasures of those who would dare to see.

This isn't about a true self too. It allows a person to create a virtual identity of himself or herself in a way he or she wants the world to see him. You sift through hundreds of photographs in your album and fish out the very best to be your display pics. Noone has seen the one in which your teeth look awkward when you laugh. It's not the way you want the world to see you.

People look at Facebook as a movie. Where you force fit yourself as the star. Either through liking music that is most "liked", even if you don't or by posting quotes as status messages even if you do not understand them. And you feel good by the number of likes or comments on the same.

There is a lot more I have to say on the topic and I shall in due time. I'm not saying I'll delete my profile, but I'd like to begin to use it just to keep in touch with friends. Not to scan through personal histories and feel better about my virtual self because of how better I APPEAR than them.

Of Dreams

2010-12-18T18:37:00.002+05:30

I’m currently in a small town called Sifwe in upcountry Ghana. I’m supposed to be learning the buying model for cocoa in this country and see what I can implement in Cote d’Ivoire. But really it’s just me whiling time till the political impasse in IVC comes to a better solution than direct conflict. The situation on ground there is tense with the entire international community watching closely the acid test for democracy. An important moment for a continent that is slowly losing grip on the dream for a rule of the people.

In a more absurd dream, last night I was walking around in my company’s office in Ghana in shorts and looking for the twin brother of my boss from my previous company, who works here apparently. And he asks me to stay in Ghana for good but I say I can’t discuss this now. I have to attend a play in 5 minutes where I have an important but not the lead role. For which I clearly hadn’t rehearsed enough.

Incredible waves of WTFness greeted me at waking up on the following morning, my first as a 27 year old. An Indian Electronics Engineer, who was coding in Java and J2EE three years ago in his hometown and who had never stepped out of his country till six months ago, now dreaming in the middle of Africa.

Speaking of dreams, I strongly recommend Neil Gaimon’s Sandman. A brilliant Graphic Novel series, like most of Gaimon’s, it lifts from various myths and legends in a modern context spinning tales around the Endless God of Dreams, Morpheus.

Retro Stages

2010-11-09T04:48:00.004+05:30

Death of the Band

2010-10-27T05:07:00.004+05:30

There was a time when a few good kinsmen, would gather around a drumset and a few guitars, maybe even a keyboard, and jam the hell out of their garage. These same people would then go on and form iconic bands, creating a trademark musical identity for themselves for years to come. Of course, there were those who tried on solo careers and even succeeded but I'm talking about general trends here. Be it ABBA or Metallica or The Beatles, most of them have grown from similar patterns. That is how they rolled. That was how they rocked.

There were those who stood on their own on merit of voice and charisma like Eric Clapton or George Micheals or Tori Amos and they stayed that way. Solo Artists as The Grammys would call them.

But now, as I have begun tracking more contemporary music that comes on MTV (I haven't doing so since quite a few years until recently), I see a new trend. There aren't any new bands among the chart toppers. There are only single artists featuring single artists. In fact, 8 out of the top 10 were all 'ABC feat. XYZ' format songs. Various combinations of recipies from among a fixed standard set of spices. And I say standard because each song seemed to be from two or three of the same set of 10 odd artists. This is currently a phenomenon pertaining to the pop rock and club genre but I see it expanding.

I see a couple of key reasons for the same:
The voice still matters, but the instrumentalists have become redundant. There are no more 'only a handful of amazing guitarists or drummers'. Slash and Keith Moon have no place in modern day bands. Pure market dynamics. Blame Guitar Hero or youtube drumming lessons for their abundance, but none are those special few anymore. Videos drive music more than ever and videos seek out the lead singer predominantly.

Musical trends now vary at a much faster pace than in the 80's or 90's. While a band might find it difficult to keep pace and switch genres, an individual finds it much easier to find another kindred soul who can give his/her own touch to the piece. Besides, as there is no need for commitment of any sorts, each song can be a with a 'new band' so to speak. 'And if I don't like you today, I can always find Timbalind to rap with me tomorrow and rehash my song from ten years ago into a new age offering.'

Is this something good? I think it's too soon to say. We'll probably know in a few years. I only wish, for now, that at least the pool of the 'standard set of artists' expands bringing in much more variety from all the possible combinations.

Trade?

2010-10-22T05:11:00.002+05:30

I want to sell some memories
That I can live without
So I can buy back
What I used to be.

Middlers

2010-10-04T04:03:00.005+05:30

My learnings from the last three months that I have spent in Africa and the feedback from some of my friends from college who are pursuing a career in the west, have established one thing: Indians have no established identity on a global scale. I am not saying that it's a bad thing necessarily, but the facts remain.

Who are we? We're not blacks, nor whites. We do not speak the same language. Face it, for the amount of hoolah that we guys make about 'culture' and 'tradition', we hardly know them, stand for them. We have no single stand on anything for that matter. We aren't communisits nor are we right wingers. We aren't even as neutral as the Swiss. We have no globally important contribution to science. And get over the whole 'we discovered zero', guys! That was centuries ago! We don't even have a patent for it. Pisses me off when someone shows off this trivia.

We have no great atheletes and excell at all the laziest games like snooker, chess and cricket. We go crazy about Pankaj Advani when the rest of the world doesn't give a shit about it. And I'm telling you, wait till some countries pursue snooker seriously and we'll be replaced there too, like we have been in hockey. We are neither the developed world, nor do we need foreign aid.

Ask a chinese guy what he thinks of Indians, and picture the answer he might give. There will be a lot of 'hmmm'.. or 'that depends'. Whereas we would hardly wait before yelping 'COMMIES!' or 'slit eyed' at them.. among other things. Sure, we all know they work real hard too. I'm thinking hard to figure out what is it that the world associates with us, correctly, that is. I'm not talking about snake charmers and call centre guys. Are we really relegated to the role of 'middlers'?

A life ordinary

2010-09-04T04:59:00.001+05:30

Living upcountry alone for the first time. After a life spent among several friends or in big cities. Wish me luck!

Indian Soaps are International too!

2010-08-23T17:47:00.003+05:30

For those who do not know, Vaidehi is a very popular soap in francophone African countries like Ivory Coast and Senegal and is telecast here in its french dubbed version by the same name. Pallavi Kulkarni, the protagonist is a celebrity here (she has been to both Senegal and Cote d'Ivoire to meet her fans) and teenage ivoirian chicks walk around the streets here wearing her face on their T-shirts as often as wannabe teenagers in Bangalore wear Che Guevera T-shirts.

Sad but true.

First Impressions

2010-07-27T04:21:00.010+05:30

Coming from an erstwhile British colony, I can’t help but compare Cote d’Ivoire, a French colony, with India. I’m yet to figure what exactly went wrong but broadly it could be attributed to the lack of strong leadership at the moment the mantle was handed over. The civil war lasted till 2005, but the damage was done. It had stopped short a tremendous surge of growth that the country had never witnessed before.

My last four weeks here have been amazing. Abidjan, as a city, was pleasantly surprising with regards to the infrastructure and development that one wouldn’t have expected from this part of the world. I’ve picked up quite a few French words already and can make my way around the city. The traffic can get heavy during peak hours but the road sense and lane discipline here is brilliant. Cops and the army stop vehicles here regularly in hope of some quick money which makes me, as an Indian, feel at home in IVC (Ivory Coast). The night life is particularly interesting provided you have the right company. On your own, there are temptations galore, for all the vices of life are dead cheap in this country.

The locals are really friendly and particularly with me. Reasons being a) My name, Ali, is much more familiar a name to them than any other Indian name, since almost 50% of the population here is Muslim and b) Those of you who have seen me recently would be able to imagine me blending into this environment with the look and hair crop that I carry (or don’t). Almost everyone is bald here including the women. Hence you can understand when I say that hair salons and the wig markets are big in Africa.

There is a calm among the Ivoirians, and Africans in general, that commands respect. One can’t help but be polite to them and they, in turn, maintain the highest standards of courtesy, which probably has been augmented by the French culture. The sad part of this is that a large part of the local culture and traditions that existed before colonisation have more or less been wiped out of their memories. Hardly does anyone speak the local languages in public anymore except for isolated pockets.

Lebanese form the largest non-native community here as in most francophone countries across West Arica. Indians are found in larger numbers in the Anglophone countries like Ghana, Nigeria and Tanzania. The Lebanese are reputed to be hard bargainers and sometimes ruthless in their trades. Most stay here for ten to twenty years before moving back with their savings.

Culturally, it is much more open than India. Sex as a topic as well as a trade is commonplace and multiple partners is not something that is looked down upon. Marriage is not as integral to one’s life here as it is in India. Polygamy is rampant and no legal binding on any action that seems like a divorce. The extended family concept is unique. If one member of the family earns well, he is obliged to look after every relative of his who seeks help. Any random cousin can come and stay in your house if you’re earning well, and you must provide for him. At the same time, you are not forced to go out and work by your family and are free to choose when and what you work.

The greenery of the countryside never ceases to amaze me. Dense bush swallows the landscape showing nothing but the colour green around you. As you move further north it starts becoming more of a Savanna-ish landscape.

Cote d'Ivoire

2010-07-04T07:27:00.003+05:30

Yes, I've been here for the last 2 weeks and I have tons to write about. I plan to cover my experiences in Africa extensively on this blog in addition to the regular eclectica. In the process I hope to give a more accurate picture of the place as compared to what gross misconceptions people hold about this much neglected place.

So I shall speak about my process of learning french, of brilliant dishes at the Makis (local dhabas) of Ivory Coast, the vibrant night life here and the most interesting characteristics of the people here, their hopes of a better life and how the rest of the world strives hard to prevent it.

More in due course. Watch this space.

Mortal Kombat - Rebirth

2010-06-09T13:33:00.006+05:30

Woah! This is the real stuff. It's not clear whether the following clip is a promo video for a new video game or an extended trailer for the new movie that has been in the Warner Brothers pipeline for long, but it kicks ass. A totally new take on the characterization of the legendary warriors we all grew up with.

UPDATE: Thanks Nikhil for the update in your comment. Turns out it is actually a pitch by some Director to Warner Bros. for a new movie. All those in favour, say aye.

Songs that Boy-Bands actually got right

2010-05-21T01:23:00.007+05:30

I'm talking of the years around 1996 to 2001 where boy-bands arguably ruled the charts displacing most of the erstwhile popular bands. Now, don't mistake me. I have no one particular genre of music I claim to endorse. I like/liked them all. This was when I was a teenager. I liked these clean shaven, emotionally loaded, sharply dressed boys who seemed to have their way with women in their videos. Even if my elder sisters snubbed them for Bon Jovi, I remained a fan of their adolescent charm.

I always thought these guys have been discredited for any form of music they brought to the forefront because they were only the voices and not the instrumentalists behind the song. My argument is, that as the audience, if I'm getting decent music, and they're the face of it, I might as well appreciate them.

Also, keep in mind that these songs were associated with some kick-ass moments of my childhood. Hence this compilation. Here Goes:

Backstreet boys - Everybody
Face it. It was catchy as hell. It was on everyone's lips and established the band as a a pop icon. A regular beat at dance competitions in school.

Five - We will rock you
Yes. I like the original. But if you're still stuck up enough not to admire the improvements, screw you.

Boyzone - Words
It's a cover. But it's good. And remembered.

NSYNC - Bye Bye Bye
No really. It was fast and catchy and the song was a boost to the 15 year old me in getting over a chick I used to ogle at. Truth.

Backstreet boys - I want it that way
Ah. Cheesiness redefined. And with style. So popular that I will post below an infamous take on this song:

Blue - One love
This was their biggest hit to start with. And an extremely popular tune found everywhere in early 2000s.

Other notable mentions:
Westlife - Seasons in the Sun
MLTR - Someday (Technically they were a regular full time band, but somehow have always been thought as a boy-band)

PS: For all the truly Metal/Hard Rock fan who wear Jimi Hendrix T-Shirts and are tearing their hair apart at this post: Up Yours.
(And on a related note, what's the big deal about Hendrix anyway? I really tried to figure out what all the holler was about. All his music sounds like a mish mash of multiple cymbals and a ruined throat)

IRONMAN 2 - Review

2010-05-11T12:51:00.007+05:30

The makers of Ironman 2 had no delusions about what made the first movie click. While the creative ways of introducing the costume and action sequences are not as bad, Robert Downey Jr. yet again steals the show with an excellent performance of the eccentric and narcissistic Tony Stark.

Perhaps what makes a difference is also the fact that Tony Stark loves his costume. So much, that he wouldn't dream of not showing off to the world who he is, rather than sulking behind mansions suffering from daddy issues. The wit is good. It keeps the movie light helping it maintain a pace that Dark Knight missed out on. Well, to each their own.

Mickey Rourke, playing Ivan Vankov, the son of a corrupt soviet scientist who worked with Howard Stark, is disappointing. Firstly, the plot is too weak when it comes to him. His reason for the expressed desire for vengeance is rather silly. He seems to sleepwalk throughout his scenes. Which is surprising especially after some really good performances in The Wrestler and Sin City. He apparently, is making it very clear that the producers haven't paid him too well for this one.

The other downside I see in the script is the lack of creativity among the bad guys. I do not see the necessity in having the negative characters of both movies don a metallic armour. With a glowing generator stuck to the chest. Not when plenty of other Marvel characters were available.

Anyhow, it's a decent watch. I recommend.

Influencers of Insanity

2010-04-28T19:16:00.005+05:30

I've discussed my opinions on patriotism here and with several of my friends before. Watching the entire Kasab episode on national television everyday reinforces my belief that what usually seem as the best principles to embrace are what usually influence insanity among humans. Insanity, in this context, is depicted by the breach of the fundamental right to exist.

Kasab was brainwashed by a political power who sees economic benefit in fueling instability. Constant inflows of funds to fight terrorism actually strengthen a fighting machine bent on capturing back a land it feels it is entitled to. American soldiers are brainwashed into killing recklessly in order to 'restore peace' by powers with vested interests in oil.

In one case, a man is asked to fire in the name of Islam. In another, he fires in the name of his country. In both cases they know very little about why they do it. They follow orders. It's not as easy to just risk your life for another person's whims, hence God and Motherland are called upon to emotionally blind logic.

Can we do without both?

Since patriotism is used by every other nation, it simply has to be accepted as a necessary evil to balance order. A deterrent. Like nuclear stockpiles. "You have madmen who will die for lines defined by you, well so do I!". Face it, we need an army. Not a very well paid one, but emotionally charged nevertheless. Can't work any other way. A party aspiring for national power calls upon it's people to love it. A party seeking Mumbaikar votes seeks hatred towards all outsiders as a polarizing factor.

As for religious extremism, well that needs to be and can be curtailed. By ignoring ignorance. Understanding that it, like patriotism, is used by men interested in retention of power. As an emotional trigger. It is not the source. By understanding that no bloody religion calls for random holy wars on innocents. By accepting the the LeT kills to claim an independent piece of land and has no actual interest in spreading any faith by force. Stop publishing ridiculous articles on 'Muslim terrorists' and calling their acts as 'Jihad' and you'll make it easier for the 1.5 billion strong Muslim population, minus the few thousand dumbasses with guns, to fight by your side.

Spank Spank

2010-04-25T23:28:00.004+05:30

41 year old wife of very rich industrialist. Runs in to celebrate victory of battle won by slaves bought by rich hubby. A slave really good at spinning his weapons (all possible puns intended) grabs butt and lifts her up. Witnesses galore.

Something happens after that battle.

Wifey conspicuously absent in the next and final battle. Very funny it is.

Juice

2010-04-14T01:48:00.002+05:30

You know you're down and out when you google for inspirational quotes.

PS: They don't work.

The Abandoned

2010-03-22T22:56:00.008+05:30

I’ve tried to recollect a few Indian actors who have, on more than one occasion, been hired to play the role of the guy who gets ditched by the heroine. Classic members of the L-Club. The ranking is based on certain parameters listed below. Higher points are given to the one who has:

a) More movies in which he has been ditched in

b) Box office insignificance of the movie in which he has been ditched

c) Hotness of heroine ditching him

d) The alternative chosen by the female being a bigger loser

And here is the list:

6. Shah Rukh

Devdas, Darr

The guy charges way too much to play the character who gets ditched. Even when he does, he is still the protagonist. Hence.

5. Salman Khan

Hum Dil Sanam, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam, Saajan

Admit it. He has style.

4. Tarun Arora

Jab we met, Pyaar Mein Kabhi Kabhi, Hawas, Men Not Allowed

Loser. Total. But due credit must be given to the way he makes himself so forgettable in whatever role he plays. Actually he is the reason I thought of this post in the first place.

3. Tushar kapoor

Mujhe Kuch Kenha Hai, Gayab

Spoilt Brother. Loser. Gets ditched in movies. Makes Sense.

2. Akshaye Khanna

Hungama, Race, Humraaz

Somehow I don't see this guy fitting into any other role.

1. Saif Ali Khan

Yeh Dillagi, Kal Ho Na Ho(Yes, although he marries her, it’s a regretful one), Rehna hai tere dil mein, Na Tum jaano na hum, Kya Kehna, Arzoo, Imtihaan

The official Nawab of L-Club. Yes. I titled him so. Wins on account of sheer numbers and for actually being a momma's boy but pretending to be a tough dude.

Feel free to comment with your own nominations.

Delhi - From the eyes of a Southie

2010-03-20T20:41:00.001+05:30

Extravagance redefined.

Needless Wants

2010-02-20T02:03:00.003+05:30

For the past two academic years, we've been grilled about how marketing is all about converting human 'needs' into 'wants'. Apparently there reside, deep in the recesses of our mind, unstated needs that promotions prod us to acknowledge, want and satisfy. I beg to differ.

The human mind, to me, is too complex, irrational and in a constant state of confusion to know what we really need. But it wants everything. Wants are the essence of our character, behaviour and purpose. Needless as they might be, they explain lucidly a life wasted, and define our aspirations that we continue to foster after repeated let downs. So much for Pavlov's Classical Conditioning theory too. Seriously, the man used a dog to explain what I might do at the repeated ringing of a bell. WTF?

Anyhow, what I intend to describe is the futility of seeking reason to one's behaviour. There is a dense bright ball of madness that drives our mental faculty at any point. It wants us to break systems that cannot be broken, to walk the longer road home, to ceaselessly call out to that one person who wont turn back and because there is no need for it. To let that song playing randomly on shuffle to affect your mood and turn an erstwhile well structured blog post into meaningless babble. Yet, we refuse to learn.

Lesson: We're all mad. Admit it.

Inspiration

2010-01-22T04:06:00.003+05:30

It's ironic that the recent Aman-ki Aasha campaign is coupled with the news of IPL teams abandoning Pakistani Players. It is also ironic that Iqbal (aka Allama Iqbal), who wrote Saare jahan se achcha hindustan hamara, was a key influence in Jinnah's decision for demanding a separate Muslim state. Seeking commonality in the two ironies, one of Iqbal's works, popularized by Junoon's song 'Khudi ko Kar', inspires me like nothing else:

Khudi(Self) ko kar buland(mighty) itna
ke har taqdeer(fate) se pehle
Khuda bandey(person) se khud pooche
Bata teri raza(agreement/wish) kya hai

Tu shaheen(Royal falcon) hai, Parvaz(flight) hai kam tera, kam tera
Tere samne Aasman aur bhi hain
Tu shaheen he Basera(dwell) kar
Pahadon(mountains) ki chattanon(rocks) par
Tu shaheen hai tu Shaheen hai tu shaheen hai

Song available here.

Passing out

2010-01-13T01:54:00.004+05:30

Reflecting on what seem to be the last few days of my student life, I can't help seeing patterns from my past experiences of passing out of college.

Be it undergrad or postgrad, it's always the same. College seems to be a lot more dearer. All the things that you hated about your hostel are exactly what you can't stop raving about to your friends outside. Women seem prettier. Girls of the senior batch suddenly adopt straightened hair in a bid to pass out 'unsingled', while senior guys seem more keen on bagging a junior girlfriend.

Careers are discussed and so are failures. Failure of systems, aspirations and interviews. Parallels are drawn with peer institutes and faculty is dissected and blamed for. Reasons for education are questioned with a few interjections from reasons for existence. All this over experimental experiences of alcohol and other substances. And in this elevated state, resolutions are made: of a life that will be led the way it should be lived.

Getaways are planned with friends that have survived, singing antakshiri en route to boring destinations that never really were. The journey is all that will be remembered. And before you even begin to read all these patterns, your time runs out. Faster than you ever imagined. Damn I'll miss this place.

Clash of the Titans

2009-12-07T02:10:00.003+05:30

In 1981

29 years later..

Inglorious Basterds

2009-12-04T20:17:00.000+05:30

.. is a good movie. I recommend.

Pst.. 2012 sucks.

Jaggery and other Urban Legends

2009-11-26T19:37:00.008+05:30

The word of mouth , I have come to realize, is far too potent a tool. Consider history: most of it, as we know it today, has passed on through several mouths across generations. One can only begin to imagine the distortions it has gone through before finding the pen, ending up as folklore at best rather than hard facts.

Case in point being a recent discussion in my class where we were analyzing the ethical framework over which the book 'My Experiments with Truth' was based on. To stress on Gandhi's moral highness, our professor mentioned an anecdote about how Gandhi refused to give fundas to a kid on addiction to jaggery before he himself gave it up. Before I could add that coincidently, I knew the very same story except with Prophet Muhammed in place of Mahatma Gandhi, a fellow classmate countered saying that the story belonged to Guru Nanak and not Gandhi.

While it is still plausible that religions share a common set of values that are considered desirable in every person, and that such stories were possibly created to imbibe these values, it is scary to watch such stories creep into politics. In my opinion, Gandhi was one of the greatest leaders who with sharp acumen and the right strategies had led an entire nation to freedom from slavery. That act would suffice for me to title him the Father of the Nation. But the minute his character is given idealistic moral attributes, in an attempt to make him more than was, it leads to the creation of new deities and newer religions. Whether such a thing has already led to the existing religions is a matter of personal opinion. The life-is-a-bitch part of it is that current wars and beliefs are based on this very same history.

I do not think it would be an exaggeration to extrapolate the trend. Fifty years from now, it's possible that we hear the story of how Sachin refused to give Dhoni fundas in life till he himself stopped eating Jaggery.

Mid Air Trap

2009-09-07T00:25:00.003+05:30

Most of us have probably faced this often but never noticed it. You never see it coming. But once you're in it, there is no escape. For a while at least.

All the airlines in India mostly have either the Boeing 737 or the Airbus A320 models for domestic travel which have a single narrow corridor along the length of the aircraft. Sometime around 10 minutes after the flight has settled at a comfortable altitude, the announcement of refreshments being served/sold is made. Now I'm not sure if it's the AC, the word 'refreshments' or simply my bladder muscles reacting to the dizzying heights, I almost always have this urge to relieve myself at that very instant. I look out into the corridor and see that although the doors show green, both ends of the passage are blocked with pretty girls guiding metallic trolleys moving at a painfully slow pace who refuse to move backwards to accommodate my needs.

Several times have I walked into this trap and spent uncomfortable moments looking awkwardly outside the window hoping to be distracted.

Is there hope at the end of the corridor for those who suffer this fate? Yes. Following are a simple set of guidelines which can help you resolve the predicament:

As soon as the sign for seat belts goes off, rush to fulfill your destiny
Book a seat towards the ends of the aircraft
When you gotta go, you Gotta-Go
Don't drink, don't pee.

Hope that helped. Good luck.

Love Aaj Kal

2009-08-12T19:26:00.004+05:30

.. beginning .. to choke .. on Punjabi.. Disco tracks.
Must.. breath... aaaaaaaaaaaaghh!!

The List

2009-07-03T03:17:00.002+05:30

I have a list of people who I feel should be castrated. Really. It grows by the day. Some folks in it are from my college. There are also hopes of retribution from childhood demons such as the guy who always grabbed the pack of Chicklets my mother used to give me everyday before school.

Now, there is this lady going around installing statues of herself all over the place. With my tax payments. Some might argue that it is illogical to add her to this list due to certain physiological facts that counter such an action. But then, why not? Shouldn't be hard to cut down on her erections.

Yeh CCD ka hota hai?

2009-05-17T16:05:00.006+05:30

Bundled up on a cycle rickshaw, I watched the evening traffic choke up a relatively wide road in this place called Kadam Kuan. I was returning from a trip to rural Vaishali where I was stopped twice by "Party Workers" on bikes. They had asked me which party I belonged to since only party workers and politicians traveled using white cabs in villages during elections. I get off the cycle rickshaw paying him ten bucks for a kilometer and walk on towards a sleazy hotel I have rented out for two months at 175 a day. It reeks of cigarettes.

The waiter walks in without knocking. A regular feature in this place I notice. I ask if there are any good hotels around to eat and he rattles of names with descriptions that didn't really sound palatable. I asked if there were any Pizza joints or a McDonalds around to which he blinks blankly. "To koi coffee ki jagah hogi na Patna mein?", I ask to which he offers to provide coffee in the room itself. I plead again, "Yahaan koi Coffee Day ki dukaan nahin hai? CCD?". "Ye CCD ka hota hai?".

I settled for a cup of tea that he brought in, switched on the TV and lay on the bed while they buzzed about the latest campaign strategy. The bed is usually drenched with my sweat due to power cuts.

It's been more than a month now and little has changed. Except for three offers by the waiter so far: "Kauno aurat chahiye ka? Aap akele bejaar ho rahe honge.", and an offer by a strange girl to meet up in Delhi after a month for some 'romance' if I could only lend Rs. 10,000 to fund her purchase of a new cell phone now. She even claimed that she is from a family of IAS officers.

13 more days in Bihar and counting.

Knotty Sawant

2009-04-28T13:51:00.007+05:30

Just when I had given up on TV shows for their lagging entertainment value, the most electrifying woman on Indian Television is back again! And how.

The idea is brilliant. NDTV Imagine has lived up to its name by producing a show called "Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamwara". She will basically be up for grabs on a reality show where undoubtedly the most eligible bachelors of India would be vying for her hand by battling it out in the greatest slugfest ever on the small screen. For all those snotty la-di-da kinds who look down upon such crass display of unwanted silicone exuberance, keep a track of the TRPs and then we'll see who has the last laugh.

"I am looking for a companion who is warm, affectionate, someone who can dance a little bit, who respects women for who they are, and above all who is punctual. Even Sita had her Swayamvara so why not me?"

I agree. The guy next room in my lodge in Patna has already started warming up for the show and is doing it quite punctually above all. If it wasn't for my mom's insistence that I marry someone my own age, I would have sent in my application by now.And why not? In her own words, Rakhi is the ideal woman for every Indian soap watcher:

"I'm a cultured Indian woman with good values and I have reached a stage where I need a companion with whom I can share my love, joys, sorrows and success."

Sigh. If I could. Then I would. But I can watch. And so I will.

Beating the system

2009-04-01T02:42:00.003+05:30

Frank Maus is my new hero. Who is Frank Maus? Honestly speaking, I don't have much of a description. But I can guess.

Frank is the climax of every Anurag Kashyap movie that promises you a real insight into life and ends up in cliches. He is Arindam Chaudhary who dares to think beyond IIMs and even dares to charge fees beyond them. He is Oprah, who makes you concoct fraud soul moving experiences just so you can visit her show and win that car she might give away to everyone in the audience. He is Enrique Iglesias who makes millions by distracting you with 10 hot supermodels while constipating about his Bailamos. He is all this and he ain't sorry about it.

Frank gets laid. Frank even gets paid. That is why Frank is my new hero.

Reviews

2009-02-15T12:03:00.008+05:30

Dev D

Anurag Kashyap has always walked the thin line between brilliant storytelling and forcefully stuffing in every arbitrary whim of his like an adamant kid. This time too, he stumbles. What could have been a masterpiece turns into a two and a half hour long drag. Literally. The music is the best part of this movie and tries hard to keep one glued yet fails towards the end.

The plotline is strong. For those of you who have dismissed it to be yet another version of Devdas, it's not. It shows a much more relevant world and real lives as compared to its predecessors. It depicts the lives of Dev, a rich spoilt kid, Paro the simple girl who he loves and Chanda, a "commercial sex worker" and how they intricately run together merging here and seperating there. What kills are the n-multiple scenes of a drunk and doped Dev roaming about aimlessly which makes you scream, "Yeah! I get the picture. What next?!"

Did I say that music was the best part of this movie? Sample Nayan Tarse and O Pardesi from youtube or the next cheapest source of pirated music and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Overall, I'd say that if this was cut to a 100 minute movie, it would have been something else.

Rating: 3.5/5

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

The movie has its novelty. But it is proof that you can't run a successful film only on an idea. Yet another drag of a potentially poetic description of the fleeting temporariness of life and love.

This is the story of Benjamin Button who was born old and frail but grows younger with time while he watches all those he loves grow old and die. Brad Pitt plays his part well and so does everyone else but I felt that the movie leaves you a bit more depressed than it should. The colours used and the pace could be equally responsible for this. True, maybe it was meant to be a tragedy. But that kick that you get when you come out of a movie irrespective of the genre was missing. Instead, I was just.. low. I'm not sure I like this movie for what it did to my mood.

Rating: 3/5

Observation

2008-12-25T03:38:00.006+05:30

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

They are a changin'

2008-12-12T02:38:00.003+05:30

Yep. I'm late. Too much has happened at too many levels since the last time I posted anything serious and this time is not going to be different either. This is just to update you folks that I'm still live and kicking.

A lot of things are changing every instant as I stand at the threshold of being 25. Friends are getting married, others are splitting up. Careers are being built while many are still stagnating. Terror has mutated to a whole new nightmare level. Climatic conditions all over the world have reached a never seen before record. I am attempting hair growth on my head.

True. A lot has changed.

But plenty of it is still the same. The government still sucks. I still regret pursuing an MBA. Stairway to heaven sounds just as good. My mother is still hell bent on looking for a good ladki for me. Himesh Reshammiya still claims to be the best. I am still awesome.

So there. Those were the updates.

I'll leave you with a song I'm currently re-hooked to.

I don't ..

2008-10-25T22:11:00.000+05:30

And I'm liking it.

A case to solve all cases

2008-10-12T18:49:00.006+05:30

Lalbadshah is a 24 year old Happy-go-Lucky single male. He has been generally healthy all his life except for a few minor injuries and hails from the emerging metropolis called Bengaluru, erstwhile known as Bangalore. Population statistics and demographics of the city are available in Exhibit 1.

He has recently joined a premier management institute called Not-ABC Institute of Management located in the hinterlands of Uttar Pradesh in a scenic village called Prabandh Nagar. The Map of this village marked with the location of the college and local liquor stores named after the ubiquitous fraction, 3.4, is available as Exhibit 2.

Initially, Lalbadshah, henceforth referred to as L in the case, found the place quite charming. The facilities were good and the Mess was a drastic improvement as compared to the food available during his undergraduate days. The weather was not quite to his liking but he thought he could ‘handle’ it.

Soon, the days got longer, the classes more annoying the weather seemed out to take his life. A detailed description of the factors including shattered dreams, incompetent faculty and their motivation to shove articles up his orifices are mentioned in Exhibit X which unfortunately cannot be displayed here. L’s frustration levels grew at a rapid pace as he could neither comprehend why he was being taught the Network Layouts of computing used in the ancient roman empires nor could he understand what professors meant by increasing market elasticity, a term hitherto used only in the context of pyjamas and Nappi Pads.

He is now caught in the crossfire of handling Power and Politics as part of his role in the Student Council and his academic performance issues which continue to bog him down all the time. The stress has led to him being caught napping several times in class and a general sense of despondency in his otherwise cheerful demeanour. His friends complain that he is no longer as awesome as he used to be although there is still no competition even close in sight.

L has mapped his emotions on a scale ranging from “I need a nap” to “WTF am I doing here” and the corresponding graph has been presented in Exhibit 3. His mood is a consistent level of ‘Frustrated’. To add to his pathetic state, there is a general lack of presence by the fairer sex both in his college and his life. The only solace is the presence of a few sane friends who share his pain.

Advise L as to what his strategy to cope with his current crisis should be. Who is to blame? What should have been done and what can be done? Also, discuss what could be the driving factor for him to come up with this post when he has 2 long drawn company forms to fill and 3 quizzes to prepare for. Forms, quiz details and list of other not-so-important activities are not in any exhibit as the author does not think they deserve such undue importance.

PS: Exhibits will be exhibited shortly. Bear it.

Random Rant

2008-10-05T01:49:00.002+05:30

I hate
getting back
to being what I am
from being
what I could be.

----------------------------------------
PS: Cramped schedules forbid me to blog more often. Will resume soon enough.

Clarify what?

2008-09-19T00:08:00.005+05:30

There is something eerily funny in how people have inquired about my views on the recent spate of bombings all over India. "How come you haven't written about all this? I thought you would." What's funnier is how some think they are being politically correct by saying, "All Muslims are not like this. But a majority, the moderate ones, keep silent and that is what's annoying." Earlier, you would have gotten replies from me that you want to hear. Not now.

Let's put it this way: Did you find this "moderate" Muslim dance in joy when these bombings took place? Did no Muslim die in the explosions at all? Do you find these same moderate Muslims defending what happened? I doubt. You only defend those you choose to represent.

I will not clarify what I stand for just because some arbit dick sitting on "intelligent" reports based on the oh-so-non-anonymous email claims says that I owe the nation an apology. I don't owe anyone an apology nor an explanation. Because I do not represent those responsible for these acts. I represent the Muslim Community in India and it has nothing to do with what these guys claim to do it for.

What I do have, is an opinion. My opinion, among other things, is that religion is a private affair. I will not intrude in your private affair and will not allow you to intrude into mine. My religion does not allow me to kill random innocent people on the road. Hence if someone follows the religion I follow, he will follow the same principle. Anyone who doesn't, clearly doesn't belong to my religion. Even if he was born into it. In my opinion, he cannot be stopped because he has no logic that can be appealed to.

My opinion is also that all civilisations that begin, must end. They will do it under several pretexts or contexts. And in phases. If it isn't meteors or the ice age, it's Race or the N-bomb. If it's religion and fuel today, it will be water and The Markets tomorrow. I believe that your question, or my opinion, is not above this cosmic agenda, rather, a part of it. We are not Gods. We are merely players. Shakespeare got that centuries ago. It's time you get it too.

Lalbadshah says..

2008-09-05T23:05:00.002+05:30

Life screws you anyway. You can either fight back and call it a rape or lie back and wait for an orgasm.

Max Payne - The Movie

2008-08-30T04:02:00.005+05:30

It's finally here. The game of nightmares that implemented the kickass concept of Bullet Time that 'The Matrix' used to its fullest, has arrived in its cinematic form. Though Mark Wahlberg's face doesn't quite match the sharp features of the original Sam Lake, the trailer looks promising. And yes, they have retained that haunting music we all love.

Trailer:

On Independence Day

2008-08-15T02:41:00.008+05:30

We all know that WWE is staged. The wrestlers don't really wrestle, that they are just well built actors. Knowing this, and watching the live audience going mad on TV, you are either disgusted or plain amused. Right? I mean, how can they fall for such a hoax?

Now, lets talk about patriotism. Do you think you are proud of Abhinav Bindra who won the gold at the Olympics because you are patriotic? Or is that happy feeling just something you get by knowing that you belong to a country that has been placed at a slightly higher rank in a medal tally than it was 4 years ago and hence a symbol of higher power?

Lets go back a little. Countries were formed by rulers and people in power because they got a kick from being in control. Sure, obviously they had to be "nice" to their subjects else they would be overthrown by rebels. Hence, good governance was a way of avoiding losing power. The Indian border that we are so "patriotic" about is largely the extent to which the British and Moghuls could control a piece of land as a single entity and the rest by efforts of rajas, maharajas and other arbit empires to hold their ends together.

All these rulers all over the world at all times had one task at hand - To retain and grow in power. Hence they started building armies to conquer more. Now it takes more than just monetary benefits for a man to risk his life, hence they introduced the concept of patriotism. "Die for your motherland!", they said and people did die. Compare this to the WWE stage where they yell "Fight to the finish!", and the live audience goes mad in throes of fanatic orgasms. What's the difference?

What I'm coming at, is that patriotism is overrated. Symbols like flags, Independence days and National Anthems in movie theaters are just tools used to make us feel emotionally attached to the country and hence cloud our judgement about keeping the corrupt as our leaders and actually giving our lives for such an idea. The government is supposed to be a set of people we choose to take care of our roads, electricity, food, law and order and we pay them for their services in the form of taxes. Now these same people you hired, are asking you to stand up at home or stop on the road every time a song called the national anthem plays on the road when most of us don't even know meaning of this song.

Task for this year: sit back and carefully think from scratch and without any biases as to what is patriotism and to what extent is it a fraud emotion. What exactly do you mean by "Love your country"?

Note: I'm not asking you to hate your country. You will inevitably feel patriotic about things. That's the way it has always been and that's the way it will always be. I'm asking you to realise why you feel that way.

And oh, Happy Independace Day!

Fraud Correlations

2008-07-29T01:01:00.003+05:30

I have this thing for figuring out stuff which seemingly has a strong correlation but might not be causal after getting acquanted to Regression Analysis during my MBA. Some of them are:

- Bong and Mallu chicks are known to be hot. Both belong to commie states.

- AIDS has increased at a rapid rate in India and so has Karan Johar's financial reach.

- Random multiple bombings. Presence of IIMs in these cities.

- My departure from bangalore. Increase in female suicide rates in Bangalore.

Any more that you can think of? Do comment..

Review - The Dark Knight

2008-07-19T21:38:00.007+05:30

Why so serious?

I went. I watched. I was floored.

Never before has the conflict within Batman been depicted so starkly on the big screen. Never before has the Batpod looked cooler. Most importantly, never ever before has The Joker appeared scarier.

One has to admit that in spite of Christian Bale's freezing stare and the mind numbing action pieces, Heath Ledger as The Clown Prince of Crime takes the cake. His portrayal of the absolute unadulterated evil bordering on sheer brilliance is what leaves you shaken after the movie. It also leaves you sad that you would not be able to see more of him in the future movies.

The plot is rapid, barely giving you time to breath. It revolves around the emergence of The Joker as the kingpin of Gotham underground and that of Harvey Dent as the upright DA who stands by his principles till they leave him scarred for life.

This movie goes beyond the regular conflict of good and evil. It actually explores their coexistence. The joker at one point says, "You complete me" which I believe is true. I mean, admit it - apart from the Joker, none of the bat villians have really been upto the mark except Ras Al Ghul to a certain extent maybe. True good needs true evil to compliment it and that part has been best explained in this film. Kudos to Chris Nolan for pure genius and for taking this movie enterprise to a whole new level. Gonna be hard to beat this one.

The only setbacks in this movie are that the plot goes a bit too fast sometimes to get a grip of, and is perhaps a tad bit too long.

All said and done, this is clearly the best movie this season has had to offer this year. Go watch it.

Rating: 9/10

I've Realised

2008-07-13T01:54:00.002+05:30

.. that in an industrialised civilsation where you crib about rising fuel prices damaging your stock portfolio, an old man will still cycle you around Hazratganj in Lucknow at a constant rate of Rs. 20 only because you will not pay him more.

.. that some people try really hard. They sometimes even get what they tried for. But I will never know whether I despise them for trying or for actually getting it.

.. that managers can survive by only impressing or die trying. All the highs of your life are reduced to bullet points on your CV.

.. that a desert cooler is nothing but a big fan with water droplets being sprinkled from behind.

.. that sometimes the annoying pestering of your parents is all you want and need.

.. that somehow hostel life as a 24 year old is simply not the same as compared to when you were 19.

.. that I've left clothes to soak in the bucket for more than a day.. and they don't smell too good.

.. that come what may, we'll always be L.

Updates

2008-06-29T01:58:00.004+05:30

It's 02:02:00 hours on a dark sunday morning. I'm in Lucknow sitting inside the computer center right after the Insti Party as it is called. Whew! Hadn't danced in a while, but had a blast! Not exactly inebriated but slightly high. It has been one heck of a week here. In fact, feels more like a month or so. The weather here sucks compared to Bangalore but getting used to it. Getting back to academic life hasn't been easy. Deadlines are always around the corner as you seek those elusive 4 to 5 hours of sleep per day. On the plus side, the campus simply rocks. I'm among some really smart people, so thats a good thing too.

I would be getting my laptop sometime towards the end of july after which I intend to resume regular blogging. If time permits that is.

Try not to miss me.

The Cinema Ego Hammer

2008-06-03T21:50:00.004+05:30

This often happens to me watching a certain sort of cinema. Let me know if you've felt the same:

You walk out during the interval in firm strides. You have, only minutes ago, witnessed a toned Brad Pitt kill a giant in a magnificent leap and yell "Is there anyone else?". Greek heroes and sword fights galore. Your adrenalin is on a high. Your muscles are tense as you walk towards the rest room. You are walking the walk. You feel like Achilles... Hell! You ARE Achilles.

You glide towards the door marked for Men like a hunting lion on the Serengeti. A quick step in and you face the mirror. You see yourself. Thats when it hits you. It's hard, it's fast and it's painful. It's reality. You face it in the only way 12 years of schooling can teach you. You sprint towards the pot.

You stagger out after an unsatisfactory leak, stumbling towards your seat awkwardly with popcorn in both hands. Your female friends, screaming, :"Awww! Sooo Cuuuute!!" at every half a second, aren't helping either.

That's when you lose it and say, "Brad Pitt is f**king gay!".

Prime Reasons

2008-05-18T18:28:00.002+05:30

These are snippets of actual conversations I've had in the recent past:

-----------------
Old magazine shop owner I've known since my school days: Hey Ali! Long time buddy.. you've grown up and all.. nice to see you. How come you've shaved your head?
Me (With a sheepish grin) : Er.. to beat the heat.
Him: You're losing hair, aren't you?
Me: Yes.
Him: Get married while you still have most of it left. Otherwise... (trails off)
Me (Silently): F**k.
--------------------

Aunt who I met a few days ago: Ali, this some new style?
Me: Yes.
Aunt: Hmm.. losing hair?
Me: Yes.
Aunt: How old are you?
Me: 24
Aunt: Oh.. you look 27 or something.
Me: F**k.
Aunt: You should get married you know. Otherwise...
-----------------

Mom: You should get married you know.
Me: Yeah. Let me guess. Because I'm balding?
Mom(Fake stunned look): Obviously not! Girls don't look at such things.
Me: Yeah. Obviously not.
Mom: I just want to hand over all responsibilities and rest now.
Me: I'll get you a full time maid.
Mom stares.
Me: F**k.
------------------

Bald neighbourhood loser: Hey Ali! Cool look yaar!
Me: F**k.
-----------------

Anyway, it basically boils down to this - People want me to get married not because I'm single, not because I'm eligible, but only because I might have a clean patch in a few years or because my mom needs someone to do the dishes. Awesome, no?

L'ed again

2008-05-11T21:01:00.004+05:30

For those of you who haven't heard, I've secured admission into Indian Institute of Management, Lucknow known to many as IIM he(L)l or simply L. After 4 CAT attempts and of all the varied combinations of letters of the alphabet, it had to be this. Obviously the L club launched 6 years ago was prophetic in its formation. Known for its nightmarish course and an equally appalling sex ratio, this is one of those 'screaming L' landmarks of my life. I should get the letter tattooed. Suggestions for a strategic location for the same are not welcome.

Still, I look forward to the legendary Tundae Kabab and Lucknowi Biryani. Also a chance to redeem my Urdu. Nahin is definitely more delicate than Nakko.

Earlier, I was contemplating taking up this college called AIM, Manila . Pretty reputed in Asia. But then, figured that if, in the long run, I plan to stay here in India, L was a better brand to stick to. Besides, parents and sisters were overly concerned over the promiscuity levels in Philippines. Yeah. Same "ladka haath se chala jayega" line. Sigh. That was gonna be my first international visit. Damn. L'ed again.

The Pig

2008-05-06T09:24:00.003+05:30

This is one very chilling poem put forth in a delightful manner.

In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn't read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn't puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"
"They want my bacon slice by slice
"To sell at a tremendous price!
"They want my tender juicy chops
"To put in all the butcher's shops!
"They want my pork to make a roast
"And that's the part'll cost the most!
"They want my sausages in strings!
"They even want my chitterlings!
"The butcher's shop! The carving knife!
"That is the reason for my life!"
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let's not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
"I had a fairly powerful hunch
"That he might have me for his lunch.
"And so, because I feared the worst,
"I thought I'd better eat him first."

- Roald Dahl

The Matrix and why we need a calamity

2008-04-30T19:13:00.002+05:30

The idea that The Matrix is real and we are all trapped by it is highly appealing to me. Not because I have a particular liking to be controlled, but because the very concept of the existence of The Matrix allows me to believe that I can escape reality as I see it. My own rabbit hole as Morpheus would like to put it.

Why? Because too many rules and restrictions to choice cause the descent of organised chaos. I like chaos that is simply just that, chaos. Purely unpredictable and unadulterated by any solid system. If there is a system, it establishes hierarchy and eliminates a level playing field. Which leads to job sites, career consultants, auditors and ministers. Eliminate the established system and lets play it according to Darwinian laws. Sure, undoubtedly another system will come into place which will also need elimination at some point. But thats the point of evolution isn't it?

And how do we eliminate the system? Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Meteor strikes, AIDS, Bloody Revolutions and Television. After all, that's what computer programs are for anyway.

Pardon the mood. Shit is happening.

Job Prospects

2008-04-24T12:17:00.004+05:30

Check out these statistics (Screenshot included below).

Er.. Why MBA?

More Eclectica

2008-04-21T11:10:00.003+05:30

Watched 'The Spiderwick Chronicles' yesterday. Was very impressive and there is never a dull moment. Fantastic creatures galore. Ideal Popcorn movie stuff and not just for children. Watch.

Watched the IPL opening ceremony and the first match. Was very impressive with never a dull moment. Hot Chicks galore. Ideal popcorn stuff though not recommended for children. Watch more.

On an aside, I'm serving my notice period at work. Feels good. I'm high on Collective Soul. Shine.

Random Rhetorical Question 5

2008-04-09T10:37:00.002+05:30

Is there a better contribution of Britain to the global community than the word 'Bollocks'?

Everybody Knows

2008-04-08T12:11:00.003+05:30

I listen to this song everytime I need a hard dose of reality. You should too.

Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that Jesus was born
in Bethlehem without a single dime
Everybody knows that the homeless people
Could be themselves some other time
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows

And everybody knows that the plague is coming
Everybody knows that its moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But theres gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows

And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows its coming apart
Take one last look at this sacred heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Oh everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows

How to be a great Consoler

2008-03-22T14:18:00.001+05:30

Remember the last time your friend confessed to ODing on Viagra and you didn't know what to say? Or maybe your loss of words when your neighbour's dog died (which you killed). It happens to all of us. I intend to convince you today that "I don't know what to say" is not the only option.

First and foremost: Avoid cliches. Nothing sucks as much as saying "I'm sorry for you/your loss" when you don't mean it 9 out of 10 times. You need to upgrade or innovate. For ease of explanation we'll call the person in need of consolation as the Subject and the event that has pained him/her to be the ..er.. Event.

Upgrade to 'Shit Happens'.
"Shit Happens" is a beautiful and concise explanation for pretty much everything that can go wrong in your life with a flavour of attitude. It is Murphy's law on steroids. You can use it on almost all occasions to make the subject feel good about the general pain that everyone goes through. I use the word 'almost' because while 'Shit Happens' can indeed be a representation of hope for a person suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, it might be slightly inappropriate to use it on this woman.

Innovate:
Give the subject some constructive advice. If your boss complains that his wife hasn't been too active in bed, you could chip in with, "Hmm... Try tying her up. She likes it."

PS : Never try to tell the person that things will get better. He/she knows it never will and it makes them even more depressed. Instead, agree with the subject that they are in deep shit, but so are you. There is nothing more comforting than to hear that people you considered to be better off than you so far, are actually leading lives as messed up or more than yours. All that bullshit you've heard in poems about spreading your joys with others is actually quite sadistic and does nothing more than rubbing in the fact that you're happier. Spread your sorrows. Because, in the end, we're all pretty f**ked up.

I am Legend - Alternative ending

2008-03-11T23:29:00.004+05:30

Although I liked the movie, the alternative ending in the DVD that was released makes much more sense. Makes the movie absolutely perfect:

Watch it :

Updates

2008-02-28T10:45:00.004+05:30

Been really busy for the last few weeks. Form filling, applications and interviews all leading to me joining the pitiful MBA rat race that I somehow cannot avoid for unknown reasons.

Finally went out on a trip with friends to Ooty. Was good fun. We visited Black Thunder close to Coimbatore on our way back. The place used to be the biggest water park in India earlier on but now half of it is defunct. Have heard that Wonder La in Bangalore is much better. Plan to visit in the near future.

Watched a few movies too - Shutter: a brilliant Korean horror movie that has a twisted ending, Stardust: Decent Fantasy movie based on the book by Neil Gaiman, and Om Shanti Om. This last movie did live up to my expectations. A complete popcorn movie with enough spoofing makes it even better than Main Hoon Na, although the last section is directly lifted from Madhumati. I particularly liked this dialogue:

Itni Shiddat se maine tumhen paane ki koshish ki hai,
Ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai.

The original lines in English are from The Alchemist, but I never realised that it could be put in so beautifully in Urdu. Hats off to Javed Akhtar for that!

Valentine Standoff

2008-02-13T21:54:00.003+05:30

I had to submit a story for our college magazine more than 4 years ago about a phone call from Yamraaj. And on the eve of Valentine's Day, with all the love in the air that warms your senses while exiting your rear end, I thought I should share this with you folks. (PS : I was only19. I know the whole story looks juvenile now. Forgive and forget.)

---------------

It wasn’t exactly one of those beautiful days when the evening sun slowly sinks into the horizon leaving behind a golden sky for mortals to dream of immortality. No, it was another day. A day where the grass grows, cars move, some people fall in love, while others, simply die! It was the 14^th of February, a Saturday. Sometimes I wonder as to why the sequel to ‘Friday the 13^th’ wasn’t called ‘Saturday the 14^th: Valentine returns’. Of course! It was Valentine’s Day! That’s right, the day when Cupid (or is it Aphrodite?) is god and love is a religion.

As many other lucky people on this day would do, I did go out on a date. It went well, quite well! After dinner, I took her to an ice cream parlour. And while I was leaving to take her to my place, to watch one of my favourite movies that I had rented, I looked up to the stars and thanked them for such a great evening , little knowing what their mischievous twinkling had in store for me.

The phone started to ring at around ten in the night, just about when the hero is to die after taking oaths of undying love from his wife. It is comical sometimes, the way the irony of fate hits you right in the face, at the right time. I picked up the phone. The drama that unfolded that moment is best described the way it should be, so here is how it went:

ME: Who is it?

VOICE: This is Yamraaj!

It is important to mention at this point about people who have told me that I had the voice of a god. Well, it seems they were right. He sounded just like me!

ME (alarmed): Are you sure?

YAMRAAJ: Is that a trick question?

ME:Where are you calling from?

YAMRAAJ (at least he sounded like yamraaj): Right outside your door.

YAMRAAJ: Why are you standing outside your own door?

ME: Not me, it was you who said that.

YAMRAAJ: Not me but someone else.

ME: But who…

VOICE: It was me, Cupid.

YAMRAAJ: How dare you call me stupid!

It is even more important at this point, to mention that probably all gods sounded the same! The cross connection with an added disturbance wasn’t helping too much.

ME: He didn’t call you stupid. His name is Cupid. Why did you call me? Are you here to take my life?

CUPID: Why do you think I would take your life? I am not evil. You have hurt my feelings!

ME: Oh no, I was talking to the god here.

CUPID: So you think that I am no god. This is an outrageous insult! I shall render thy seeds infertile!

YAMRAAJ: So, a mere mortal would like to challenge me?!!

ME: But that wasn’t me!

YAMRAAJ: Then who was it?

CUPID: It was me, Cupid?

ME: Will you please stop saying that?

YAMRAAJ: Will I please stop saying what?

CUPID: Come on, I don’t have all the time in the world!

YAMRAAJ: Neither do I.

ME: Me neither.

YAMRAAJ: Then why don’t you hang up and let the two of us talk!

ME: Hey, it was you who called me!

By this time I had lost track as to which god was who. What ensued turned out to be A Midsummer Night’s Nightmare!

‘I have come to tell you that you are not doing the right thing.’

‘This is a preposterous accusation!’

‘Taking advantage of a young woman is not right.’

‘But I was here for a man’s life!’

‘Hey I wasn’t going to do that.’

‘You don’t have to do anything to die. I’ll do it all for you.’

‘Die?!! This is unfair. Back up there, they told me that I was immortal! I knew they were tricking me!’

‘I am too young to die!’

‘I must take her away from you.’

‘I don’t think you get it. I take the souls away here.’

‘He is talking about my date, not my soul!’

‘Who is he?’

‘It was me, Cupid.’

‘For the last time young man, traveling on a bull doesn’t make me stupid! You are going to rot in Hell!’

‘No.’

‘What?’

‘So...’

‘Who?’

‘It was me, Cupid.’

‘Nooooo!! Die, die you imbecile mortal! Your foolish pride hath incurred the wrath of the god of the dead! No more shall I suffer this ignominy. Your soul is now mine!!!’

My nerves, which couldn’t take any more of this, just managed to make me place the receiver back on hook before my mind slipped into unconsciousness.

The next morning I woke up looking into the worried face of my date who was up all night. Oh no, not with me. She was helping out Mrs. Batra, our neighbor next door, whose husband died of a gruesome heart attack while watching TV at home with his secretary last night. They say his heart simply stopped beating…at around ten in the night.

-------------------------

We had to submit a brief introduction about ourselves and this is what I submitted:

Mohammed Ali is a student of electronics and communication. True to the spirit of Final Year, he has pulled the necessary strings required to print an outrageous story in this revered magazine. He loves comics which represent true Indian culture like Nagraj and Shaaka. He derives inspiration from method actors like Smriti Irani of ‘Tulsi’ fame and aspires to woo a woman like her someday. Ali also possesses the uncanny ability of fooling you into believing he is ‘posh’ by rambling Tolkien quotes but that’s all he knows.

Do you feel lucky?

2008-02-07T10:50:00.000+05:30

This is easily one of my favourite movie dialogues :
Movie: Dirty Harry

Inspector Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) :I know what you're thinking, punk. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you can ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

And here's another equally good version of it.

The L Club

2008-01-22T10:46:00.000+05:30

It surprises me that this topic has never come up in any of my earlier posts. Anyway, better late than never.

Ladies, Gentlemen and Karan Johars, I am proud to publish details of the elite L club that I co-founded with my dear friend Funk on a humid night while preparing for my Digital Communication test the next day late into our 2nd year of engineering. Sometime in 2002 I think. It started just like how all great things on our good earth, such as see-through pantyhose, started.

We were discussing the futility of our lives and efforts because everytime we work hard to get something, dicks like my genetically and socially gifted roommate Mochi would surpass us with effortless ease. Be it academics or social interaction with the lot considered as an endangered species in our college, girls. We always ended up as the guys who, as I so often repeat, "haath ko aaya, mu na lagaya". So, we decided to stand for ourselves. To be proud of what was inherent to our nature. We discovered the inner Loser within us. Being the enterprising young men that we were, we didn't stop at this glorious moment of self discovery. We went ahead to found the most popular club in the history of sports entertainment. Ok, fine.. one of the most popular clubs in our college.

We immediately formed the ground rules for inclusion and code of conduct in The L Club:

1) You MUST be a loser. Achievers, please excuse.

2) The basis for you being a loser could range from absolutely no sensible reason to being the guy who gets 'Lets just be friends' from girls a lot.

3) Once included, you will propagate the ideals of the club by regularly spotting talent during your daily life and then showing an L by holding your index finger perpendicular to the ground and the thumb parallel to the ground. This L could be held out at a distance or formed over your forehead to show a sense of solidarity with the newly inducted loser.

4) When a prospective L has just been L'ed, you make sure he remembers that he has been L'ed. Rub it in.

5) Recruitment is not subject to the candidates willingness to be labeled L. If he refuses, he simply gets promoted.

6) Other than President and CEO (Funk and I), all positions are open and merit based. Positions are arbitrary and not specific to any organizational structure. But uber cool sounding positions like 'Jedi Master' or 'Ninja Master' are not in compliance with L policy.

7) If you are not sure that a person is a candidate, test him/her. Ask the candidate to ask you if you're a tree. When he does, say 'No'. Capture the reaction on his/her face followed by showing him the L. Spread the joy.

8) Although any member can recruit, all decisions made regarding recruitment or promotions by the President and CEO are binding. More so in case of the President because this is my blog and I'm the President.

We have classic celebrity examples: Vivek Oberoi, the could-be / would-be probable-ex-boyfriend of Aishwarya Rai; Jim Corr, who travels with three hot women who are all his sisters, is another classic example. A prime celebrity member is the late Ex-Minister Nagappa who escaped the clutches of the brigand Veerappan only to be shot dead by the Border Security Force who confused him for a member of the band.

As you can see, The L club has an open door policy, unlike some fraudulent uptight clubs that you might have heard of ("You do NOT talk about Fight Club!".. Jeez! Get a life.). You don't even have to apply. In fact, if you've wasted sufficient time to go through this in detail, you've been L'ed. Welcome my friend!

Sci-Fi / Action / etc. Movies in 2008

2008-01-03T00:27:00.000+05:30

A few that you may want to know about. As always, they might not turn out to be as good as presented, but don't we all just love trailers?

Teeth (May 2008):
Now, I know this sounds weird, but yes, horror movie creativity has apparently reached new heights (or depths) with this one. Why? Well, nothing out of the ordinary.. this movie just deals with a vag***a that bites. Yeah. I know. Ouch.
Trailer. IMDB.

10,000 BC (March 2008):
This movie about mammoths and what not with a proportionately impressive trailer and an indication of those mind numbing action movies that are classic popcorn stuff. The Independence Day types.
Trailer. IMDB.

Jumper (Feb 2008):
The Tagline of this movie is 'Anywhere is possible'. It's about a few guys who, well, jump from one place in the world to the next. Really fast. Again, the trailer is compelling. But I'm getting wary of Samuel L Jackson in his 'man-who-has-seen-the-world' roles like the one in Snakes in the Plane.
Trailer. IMDB.

21 (March 2008):
This one is apparently a true story about 6 MIT students who mastered the art of card counting to fleece Vegas casinos of millions. The Scamster movie genre, post Ocean's Eleven, is a huge favourite of mine. And I find the chick in this movie quite hot.
Trailer. IMDB.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 2008):
Ok, inspite of the weird-ass title, I'm still gonna watch this movie for the sake of the original series. Apparently Spielberg took such a long time for a sequel because he was looking for the right script. Ahem. Right. Anyway, might not be bad at all.
Trailer(Not yet available). IMDB.

Cloverfield (Jan 2008):
An over hyped trailer that's been doing the rounds on youtube where the monster has still not appeared anywhere has made this an internet urban legend. This one better be good. It has something to do with an extremely large monster attacking NY and the aftermath. Or something like that. Extremely confusing trailer as you will see.
Trailer. IMDB.

The Dark Knight (July 2008):
Ah, to end it grandly, the most anticipated movie of the year will undoubtedly leave you spellbound with characters like Joker looking immensely scary and brilliantly original. Add to it the presence of Christian Bale, who revived the Batman movie enterprise along with the talented Christopher Nolan and we have a winner. The bike looks too brilliant.
Trailer. IMDB.

And yes, there are others like yet another Rambo, some new Narnia movie and all that. BTW, what's with all these old guys and their sequels? Bruce Willis with Die Hard 4, Stallone with Rambo and Rocky, Harrison Ford and the Indiana Jones series.. and I even heard rumours about a new Terminator movie. A new kind of Viagra must have entered the market. Madness! But more on that later.

Smartasses

2007-12-27T22:11:00.000+05:30

Simply loved this one:
If the person who actually created this lands here, please pass your source link so I can give credits.

24

2007-12-19T22:49:00.000+05:30

There is a this very new feeling about being 24 that 23 wasn't. A world layered with chaos seems to be more uniform.. uniformly full of chaos that is. Ideals are fading as my concerns now circle closer to me. It all makes sense with my span of vision cut short.

The sense, is this: While Noah had his storm and Anne Frank had a Nation, I have a barrier of the colossal human ineptitude. It's a fair enough arena I guess. You know you don't belong here, but there is little left to explain. Accept the bloody dual offered and jump in. Resistance is futile.

On the other hand I could still be the victim of a superiority complex. I don't make sense to you, do I? I'm 24. Just wait till you see me 25.

Scent of the lesser evil

2007-12-03T18:42:00.000+05:30

I never really trusted Saudi Arabia to truly represent Islam, but this is the closest to dilapidation that it can get. According to Islam (ahem), an unmarried woman is not allowed to accompany a man alone who is not a close family member or her husband. So obviously, Saudi Arabia, being an Islamic country, claims it upheld the laws of the Sharia while allowing the rape to simply pass by as an inevitable mishap and direct result of such an outrage of morals. The rapists walk free. Disgusted, are you? I doubt.

Truth be told, too often have we seen acts of the lesser evil being placed under the axe while the larger crimes pass by us right under our nose, to be surprised. Small time fry lie behind bars while the bigger fish rule countries. Paintings are being banned while female labourers still carry bricks during pregnancy for the lack of options. Why?

The lesser evil has a stench. It's new to us, sometimes at least, we recognize it and we don't like it. So we give all that we have to clean it. A perfume spray on the skin to hide the fact that the source of the stench still remains. The dirt which is all over us. That is a part of us, within us. So closely have we been bonded with the greater evil, so vastly has it creeped into our system that all we can do is ignore it, if not like it.

So I will pay my bribe of 100 bucks for my passport verification because I have to, but will fight for the one rupee change that the auto driver refuses to give, because I have to. Pass on the deodorant.

PS: This happens to be my 100th post on Lalbadshah's Domain. Yay!
By the way, I learnt this new smiley that I've started to use very often. _|_ . Cool eh?

Random Rhetorical Question 4

2007-11-22T13:43:00.000+05:30

Why won't she die?!

(Oh, in case you don't know, see here.)

Angry Again

2007-11-21T00:28:00.000+05:30

Yet another bout of what now seems to be an annual ritual of battling the beast called CAT has passed. Yet another situation which the great Crime Master Gogo would describe as: "Haath ko aaya, mu na lagaya" (Came to hand, didn't touch mouth). Yet again, I scream at myself for existing in a parallel universe where my "verbal ability" doesn't quite match up to the norms of the rest of this insufferable human populace.

As much as I am torn between different explanations for my itch to do this again and again, ranging from a yearning to play the lead role in the cage to grabbing a chance to make a quick buck, I take solace in the googletalk status message of my Zen fundae loaded friend :

"In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't fucking matter!"

Tell me it's true and I'll believe it.

At least I tried

2007-11-15T23:07:00.000+05:30

Techie Trick No. 969 to hook a girl:

Hunt down female bloggers on Orkut by searching for "female blogger bangalore" and leave comments on the commendable posts by praising their ideas or cracking a good joke, hoping that they will trace you back and would want to meet you. This is essentially taking the "i wants franship" scraps, which they claim to hate so much, to the next level.

General Verdict: It still doesn't work man!

It's in the papers!

2007-11-11T10:57:00.000+05:30

Lalbadshah is a stud. We now have evidence. I was featured in The Sunday Times (Bangalore Edition on page 12). Needless to say, me being a humble citizen and all, turned around the conversation which was primarily intended to be between me and the cute journalist, into a general chat about Mensa.

Here's a pic from the article. Feed on the glory of my image, infidels! Yes Yes! Hah! Fame, Power, Money! It will all be mine! *evil Calvinesque laugh*

Watch carefully as I exude charm and confidence while the cute journalist (not seen in the pic) is already swaying due to a certain weakness in the knees. Everyone around me is evidently mesmerised. The very next minute they all bow down and worship me, including the cameraman, which is why there is no photographic evidence for the same. You have to take my word for it. Which you will.

Also note the brilliant product placement of my 'Volga' helmet(certified by ISI and in good shape since 1999) which has been strategically positioned so as to prove my endorsement of safe riding and help troubled teenagers as a better role model to admire and emulate rather than a gay looking topless Shah Rukh Khan.

(Link to the page that carries the article here.)

A difference

2007-11-08T21:47:00.000+05:30

Annie Zaidi writes about growing up as an Indian Muslim. As I read it, I saw the story of my own life unfold on the screen and I'm quite sure that I'm the only one to feel so.

I've noticed that these things happen to you at the most unlikely times by the most unexpected people.

My English lecturer in Christ College, during Std.12 once caught me looking in another direction. He asked me to stand up and tell my name.
"Ali".
"Full Name?"
"Mohammed Ali."
"Mohammed Ali Jinnah, right?"

I can't remember the faces of most people in my class. But that incident, that man, that question, I will never forget. Precisely the reason why we need to stop inheriting bullshit.

Do read Annie's post. It's beautiful.
(Came across the link at IndiaUncut.)

On Rajyothsava

2007-10-31T23:43:00.000+05:30

Contrary to my prediction more than a year ago, The Gowda Dynasty, what with all the switching sides faster than (insert funny simile here), has recently performed a political ejaculatio praecox which undoubtedly marks the end to their regime within a couple of years, whatever be the outcome of the current turmoil. Its open declaration of "Balls to promises, we're just not done swallowing the state coffers yet" attitude has given more weight to my argument that democracy is a farce.

A person who has been the Prime Minister of the country is expected to consider such bitter squabbles not worthy of his attention unless its due to:
a) The onset of senility, which comes rather early to politicians.
b) He forgot to spank a particular Ex-Chief Minister in his childhood.

Both plausible reasons, but still, I see no alternatives, nor hope for a better solution. No elections means that Yedi, who was last seen begging on streets for justice, would pound on what's left of my tax contributions like an unfed mongrel for the next 2 years or so. Elections would require of the Congress to put up someone much more charming than the dead pan Dharam Singh, who has fewer facial expressions than Himesh Reshammiya's behind.

Yet another year has passed as Karnataka celebrates its Rajyothsava today. The roads are still bad, software engineers still complain and I'm still single. As always, the government is to blame.

Muted

2007-10-27T13:47:00.000+05:30

Dear Deaf Old World,

If I wanted to tell, would you really listen?
Or would you pretend, as you always have
to understand life through filters
of shattered beauty and faulty reason.

Yours Truly,
Muted.

Radio-in-my-head

2007-10-23T00:34:00.000+05:30

Radiohead's new album In Rainbows is making records of sorts with their unique marketing and distribution strategy. Releasing it as a free download version on the internet, they have given the option to their listeners to pay whatever they felt the artist deserves, including nothing. Not too surprisingly, the venture has turned out to be pretty successful with more than a million downloads in the first week itself and counting!

My addiction to music comes in phases where I simply get hooked on to a song or a band and these phases seem to come in cycles. Currently I'm back, floating yet again in the Radiohead Realm. They have always occupied a unique position in my Altar of Kickass Music along with U2, Pearl Jam, Tori Amos and a very few select others. With that weird yet-so-sensible lyrical sense that has only PJ to match, their music has inspired several other newer groups such as Coldplay and Travis.

Karma Police is arguably their best song and by default, one of my top 10 (I shall put up this list here someday). If you haven't yet heard the song, do sample it in the form of this brilliant video:

Lyrics and a few facts about the song. (Still can't help listening to this one yet again.)

Oh, while you're at it, do check out Fake Plastic Trees , Paranoid Android (NSFW) and of course, the more famous Creep. All magnificent pieces of work. In Rainbows is no less. Download it, and judge it on your own.

The Fallacy of Inheritance

2007-10-20T19:26:00.000+05:30

A year ago my father picked up a huge argument with my neighbour whose coconut tree was generously shedding massive branches on our rooftop. Silly argument, but that lead to a cold war of sorts between them. They own a really annoying dog and do not have a hot daughter, so obviously I sided with my father and contributed to the continued detachment that existed between us.

Now, my sister who came down a month ago, wasn't really aware of the situation and went straight to their house to give them chocolates. The neighbouring aunt, in return, was genuinely nice to her and spoke to her like a long lost niece. While analyzing the situation it struck to me that although I knew what had occurred between my father and them, my sister didn't, which was the primary reason why things got better between us.

Extending the analysis, what I'm trying to prove, is that we take a lot from our parents and elders while we are/were young. Not just their physical attributes but their ideas and ideologies too are defaulted to us. This is good to an extent as we do need morals, but along with that come their subtle hints of biases, contrived reasoning and faulty logic. Face it, nobody has the ideal ideals.

The current Indian generation for example, has been unfortunate in a sense to have had to rub shoulders with those who actually witnessed the Partition and hence have a deep rooted hatred for their neighbours which makes them blind to all possible reasoning behind the cause and insist that everything evil stems from the other side of the fences. Worse is the fact that a huge chunk of the younger generation inherits this hatred and laps it up without hesitation and questions. Education today involves solving math problems and not questioning the ideas of the teacher about the preferred form of governance. What people need is unlearning and rethinking of possibilities. Surely, some logic has survived in all of us. This, again unfortunately, seems to come to less than 10% of the populace and hence will really take hundreds of years before the bias is wiped clean from living memory.

The same reasoning holds when I say that as Indians, unlearning must be promoted when it comes to caste, corruption and the myriad ancient inherited concepts. Sadly, to unlearn, we need guides who will volunteer to admit that what they have been preaching all their life is sheer bullshit and must be forgotten. Which, in itself, is too far fetched to even hope for.

Random Rhetorical Question 3

2007-10-19T22:20:00.000+05:30

Closing line from Civil War - Guns n' Roses :-

What's so civil about war anyway?

Celebrations

2007-10-14T13:33:00.000+05:30

As I exhibit appalling levels of gluttony while feasting on Sheer Khorma, Katheeragun Sherbet, Biryani and other assorted delicacies, here's wishing you and your family..

Eid Mubarak!!

For the uninitiated, Eid marks the end of Ramzan, which is a month where all Muslims observe fasting and practice constraint and control in every human tendency such as hunger, thought, speech and actions. The Prophet once said that a man who can control the two troublesome muscles, one between his lips and the other between his legs, is worth much respect. The first, I tried my best. As for the latter, I didn't have to try too hard. See? There are advantages of being 23 and Single.

Nightmares

2007-10-07T00:24:00.000+05:30

I've always considered myself to a be a fearless guy. Seriously. Stop laughing. Surely I had to be. I watched The Exorcist at the age of 14 and frankly found it boring and gross while my peers narrated to me in hushed tones of people who pissed in multicolor and died in fits of spasms post watching the same. I relished reading vampire and werewolf stories and more often than not sided with the creatures of the night. I even moaned their killing with not-so-uber-cool weapons such as garlic sauce when they definitely deserved a more fitful ending. A lot of that has changed since last Tuesday.

The wailing started at around 1:30 AM. It was clear, shrill and bang outside my bedroom window. It was the sound of mixed emotions. The two women (there were two different pitches) seemed to be in alternating throes of pain and pleasure. Lesbian banshees were never really a part of my fantasies hence it wouldn't be an exaggeration if I said that I was shitting bricks. And all my planning at nights of how I would unleash a kung fu storm in case of such an eventuality came to naught as I simply lay frozen on my bed.

This continued for about 15 full minutes before I could hear my parents in the hall mumbling about neutering all cats. Cats. The integral component of my worst nightmares second only to crocodiles as my primary nocturnal foes. Nevertheless, I was forced to go out with a bucket of water in hand to throw at two mangy cats that were humping away like there was no tomorrow. My neighbours soon joined me in this grand act of what could scientifically be called as enforcus coitus interuptus.

As I got back to bed I realised how shaken I really was. It wasn't just the cats. I'm almost 24 and am supposed to stand up and defend my house no matter what. With my now aged parents, sister and 4 year old niece in the house, I was supposed to guard them while I was actually playing chicken in bed. What if it were indeed a violently horny pair of lesbian banshees? What would you do?

Cute Baby Pics

2007-10-01T13:41:00.000+05:30

Helping ugly girls create Orkut profiles since 2004.

Dullness

2007-09-27T23:23:00.000+05:30

Many have mentioned that my posts have gotten real boring. I agree. I have this mental block that's stopping me from doing anything more than the banal.

I told a friend that I feel like I need a bungee jump. From a great height. I feel if the shock is great enough, I will dump all that pisses me off below at point 0 and swing back up free. Forgive me. A recovery attempt is on the cards, I promise you that. But for now, I really can't do much.

Wake me up when September ends.

Rediff Message Boards

2007-09-25T11:21:00.000+05:30

A comment post - T20 World Cup Finals:

it is stupidity of illiterate people ,, follow the example of australia, newzealand,, how they are cooll
by Bhupinder Singh on Sep 25, 2007 10:39 AM | Hide replies

south easter asian coutries are fool , bunch of fool, they are getting excited by the media and m n c to sell their product and create furore and excitement in their mind , cricket is not life, it is j ust fun and part of game, one lose and one win,,,we should take it friendly,,, not burning, abusing and slandering anyone,,pakistan are worse criminal for disobaying the humanright of minority, women and children,,,,

Yeah. How they are cool.
--

Yet another comment/spot quiz:

game
by raghunatha shetty k on Sep 25, 2007 01:50 AM | Hide replies

which is the game in which looser & gainer will feel happy after end of the game.?

raghunatha shetty K

Answerer will be gainer and not looser.

Oh btw, WE WON!! Brilliant match it was.

Random Rhetorical Question 2

2007-09-22T01:56:00.000+05:30

Just because I believe in fate, do I have to be comfortable not knowing what it is?

Ghost

2007-09-20T12:08:00.000+05:30

Neil Gaiman writes a chilling yet reassuring piece on why Ghost Stories still have relevance in the 21st Century:

Technology does nothing to dispel the shadows at the edge of things. The ghost-story world still hovers at the limits of vision, making things stranger, darker, more magical, just as it always has ....
There’s a blog I don’t think anyone else reads. I ran across it searching for something else, and something about it, the tone of voice perhaps, so flat and bleak and hopeless, caught my attention. I bookmarked it.
If the girl who kept it knew that anyone was reading it, anybody cared, perhaps she would not have taken her own life. She even wrote about what she was going to do, the pills, the Nembutal and Seconal and the rest, that she had stolen a few at a time over the months from her stepfather’s bathroom, the plastic bag, the loneliness, and wrote about it in a flat, pragmatic way, explaining that while she knew that suicide attempts were cries for help, this really wasn’t, she just didn’t want to live any longer.
She counted down to the big day, and I kept reading, uncertain what to do, if anything. There was not enough identifying information on the Web page even to tell me which continent she lived on. No e-mail address. No way to leave comments. The last message said simply, “Tonight.”
I wondered whom I should tell, if anyone, and then I shrugged, and, best as I could, I swallowed the feeling that I had let the world down.
And then she started to post again. She says she’s cold and she’s lonely.
I think she knows I’m still reading ....

I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said that I'm not who you think I am, would you? No. I don't think I can pull it off.

Read the full article here.

Robert Jordan passes away

2007-09-17T13:05:00.000+05:30

The man who gave the world 'The Wheel of Time' series died yesterday, 16th of September 2007.

I'm currently into the 6th book in his series of 11. Although the series remains unfinished, I will read the rest of it whether or not the publishers manage to come out with the 12th final installment based on his notes that he left by in case of this eventuality. As an ode to the man who gave me a tale beyond all mythologies and legends. Rest in Peace, Dragon.

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose.... The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of time.
But it was a beginning.

Victims?

2007-09-17T12:49:00.000+05:30

Seriously. Why should the students be involved in this be called 'victims'?

Race

2007-09-12T14:18:00.000+05:30

Running along the tracks of Saturn's rings,
I jogged from stone to stone till I leaped over
to Andromeda and back.
I stretched out while on a ride upon Haley
breathing out Aurora Borealis.
Heavy Breath. Radiating Breath.
Listening to the celestial symphony
that floats on Qausar radio waves.
Warm up.
Paused for a drink at the Great Dipper
before dashing off into a sprint
racing into the Crab Nebula
and beyond.
Timing myself. Waiting for an Event Horizon
So I could just about slip past Light.
Slip past Time herself,
Into the grave of vision.
Into the cradle of all life.
Into the Black Hole.
And back.
I lose again.

Facebook

2007-09-11T18:34:00.000+05:30

Source : http://xkcd.com/300/
Brilliant cartoons. I suggest you go through the others.

I'm Thinking

2007-09-02T01:01:00.000+05:30

As Destiny and Fate weave deceitful illusions of a future sparkling with hope, it's bad enough that we burn our souls today for a tomorrow that will not be. Worse is the fact that we simultaneously reach out to the comforting void of yesterday that just isn't there. In this perpetual balancing act, what is lost forever, is the meaning of the word 'Now'.

It's surprising when you realise that 'The Moment' has no weight of it's own without Consequences or Regrets. Whoever told you that he 'lived for today', lied. There is no life structure without a foundation or a purpose. Whether this is a good thing or not and your decision to believe this notion or dismiss it is your choice. As the Oracle says in The Matrix, "Because you didn't come here to make the choice. You've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it."

Disclaimer: No I have not lost my mind. Not yet anyway. Why? Screw you!I too have the right to be philosophical sometimes!

Find the tiger in this video

2007-08-28T13:42:00.000+05:30

Spot it, before it spots you.

Yeah, you morons! There's a reason why Rudyard Kipling has dedicated thousands of pages to this magnificent animal. Reminds me of the time I spotted two in the open. Not much of an encounter though, else I wouldn't be alive to tell you that.

Update: Watch the full video here but there's nothing much that you could have missed. The above clip captured the essence of it. The complete story behind the incident is here.

Transformers

2007-08-23T10:59:00.000+05:30

I entered the movie hall with my fingers crossed, hoping, like every other Transformers fan worth his salt, that Micheal Bay hasn't ruined our collective childhood memories.. and I was not disappointed. The movie stood up to my expectations and more. The graphics were mind blowing and the pace was a bit faster than required to hold your attention. And why not? If you had only 2 hours to compact almost 20 years of legendary entertainment, you would do the same.

For the uninitiated, Transformers is about a constant battle between the good Autobots and the evil Decepticons from the planet Cybertron which is destroyed by their battle and are forced to continue their war on Earth. Both sides have shape shifting abilities and each has a unique vehicle/Jet avatar along with their true robot form. The leader of the Decepticons is Megatron, an uber cool Evil Overlord who is the most dangerous of them all and also slightly more powerful than Optimus Prime, General of the Autobots. The Autobots ally with a bunch of kids on earth and continue their efforts of protecting humans from being wiped out by Decepticons.

Sure, the movie did have it's standard cliches that action movies always have. Honour, Glory, Sacrifice and a tear wrenching scene as the hero tells his girl to wait for him. Oh, by the by, the Girl in question is Megan Fox. Hot in every sense, she was the final piece in the jigsaw pattern of every male's fantasy movie: Gun's, Cars, Jets, Robots and a Hot chick who can tune her own engine. Is there anything else a guy can ask for from a movie?

You can learn more about Transformers, their history and each character in detail from here.

Eclectica

2007-08-20T11:04:00.000+05:30

Eagerly awaiting the release of these movies. That is, unless they all die a premature death as have most other ambitious Comic-to-Movie projects. Johnny Depp as Sweeney Todd would be most interesting.

Tickets for Transformers lie in my wallet. Tomorrow's show. Review will be posted. I promise.

I don't know how many of you have heard of 'The Wheel of Time' series. What with all the Harry Potter hype that tramples over the now fading glory of the LOTR series, this is a must read. It is quite obvious where J.K. Rowling gets her inspiration from and at the same time you cannot ignore the the influence of Tolkien's works in the series. The difference being, the plot is way more complex. The characters are much more detailed and a lot more human than in the other two series but yet never slow enough for you to take a break. I'm already into the second book in the series of 11 and counting. Start on it asap if you're a HP and LOTR fan.

I hear rumours in my office that we're all to soon shift from our current location, prime of Hosur road and 100 mts from Forum to Sarjapur road by next month. That makes my travel from home to work extend from 2kms to 10kms. Curse them bastards! There is a meeting now with a 'General' agenda where I will be told of this blasphemy. Officially. I wonder if they realize that almost every time we know whatever is to be announced in these meetings. Damn!